Bits of Emotions 3

I walk in the rain that’s fallin’
A voice in the distance callin’, why
I run to the empty doorway waitin’ for the sun to shine
When will love be mine

~ Somewhere, Somebody by Jennifer Warnes


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Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want

~ She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5


*** *** ***


There are only so many tears you can cry
Till your heart stops breaking
Only so many doors you can try
Till you finally find your way
Out of the dark, into the light
No, the clouds won't always be grey
The sun reappears in the blink of an eye
And there's only so many tears you can cry

~ Only So Many Tears by Beth Nielsen Chapman


*** *** ***


You take it as it comes
When you've got no way to hide from the hurting inside
When there's nowhere you can really run
You take it as it comes

And one foot goes in front of the other
And one day rolls into the next
Sometimes you've got to let your heart be numb
And take it as it comes

~ Take It As It Comes by Beth Nielsen Chapman


*** *** ***


I could feel it go down
bittersweet i could taste in my mouth
silver lining the clouds
and i
i wish that i could work it out

and the hardest part
was letting go not taking part
you really broke my heart
and i tried to sing
but i couldn't think of anything
it was the hardest part

everything i know is wrong
everything i do it just comes undone
and everything is torn apart
oh and thats the hardest part
thats the hardest part

~ The Hardest Part by Coldplay


*** *** ***


Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

~ Landslide by Dixie Chicks

What is Thy will?

Dogs are barking and howling outside. It is kinda eerie at this hour. I am still awake, quite fresh, actually. I need to sleep no matter what, or else tomorrow will be an awful long day.

But meanwhile, I am here pondering if God really listen to our prayers and work His miracle on us. Or is He someone who continues to challenge us, testing our faith towards Him? Or He is someone who blessed us with good things all the time?

Well, say what you like. When times are bad, God is testing us. When time is good, it is God's blessing. You can never win. Seems like God knows it all and what is best for us. His will is not to be questioned but to be trusted upon.

Most people will remember God during time of stress and difficulties, where they will fervently pray for a miracle from God to change and improve their situation. On a happy day, God or no God, some don't really need Him. This usually how someone who is lackadaisical with God matters be like.

But as many as those that will turn to God in difficulties, many people actually lose faith in God and gave up on Him when they are down in the dumps. They were angry with God. They can't understand why God will let bad things happen to them. They walk away from God. They lose faith that God. They dislike not knowing God's will. They questioned why is God's will so hard to comprehend?

We all know that we can always pray to Him in the midst of difficult circumstances. Anyone can pray when things are going well. It is easy. But when the bottom drops out, when hardship hits, can we still keep singing our praises to God? Or do we be complacent and just forget God when times are good?

A view on Love thru a song

I asked a friend if he would describe how he view his love through a song, which song would that be. He told me this song below is how he is feeling. When I read it, I knew instantly how apt it is.

I Want To Know What Love Is
by Foreigner

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I’m older

Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
I through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I’m gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I’ve got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
I can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me

Let’s talk about love
I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside
I want you to show me, and I’m feeling so much love
I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide
I know you can show me, yeah

I wanna know what love is, let’s talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is...


Well, don't we (those who are still searching for the person to share the life and love with) all feel the same too?

And as a consolation, listen to the song by Jennifer Warnes by the title of Somewhere, Somebody.

See you again, Dr Andy and Fishy

Hey Dr Andy and Fishy, I will definitely think of you both especially when I no longer see both of you on our Wednesday meet up. I will always remember you both as the first 2 faces I see on most Wednesday meet up.

I wish you both all the very best and a wonderful life together wherever you are.

So long my friends, and I sure hope our path will meet again soon, again, always. Take good care!

A person

I love reading blogs. Not just anybody's blogs. But blogs of my friends or interesting blog such as Kenny Sia and Karen Cheng (in my opinion). Sometimes I feel that I am a bit of a busy body reading blogs, but it is indeed a great way to find out what's up with your friends. Vice versa.

Since 2 days ago when I started reading a particular person's blog, I have this huge urge to stop blogging all together. Reading this blog makes me feel repulsive. I have this fear that someday, my blog will turn like that blog. I swear I would kill myself if it does. I get worried if I am like that too coz I don't ever want to be like this person. I know I should not talk bad about a person, but this is not what I intend to do.

I am just so so curious how can someone could write so much great things about herself. There are self praises written all over. You can easily detect how much this someone is proud of herself. You can also see clearly that this someone loves herself more than anything else. Kinda like some narcissist.

Me me me. All the time. Wow.

Ok, that is not about it that makes me read the blog in disbelief. The stories written about herself are too good to believe. They seem unrealistic and made up. It may be true to every single details but somehow, I am so skeptical and find it hard to believe it is true. Some people totally believe what was said and written. They truly think they are valid facts.

And in person, the stories and self praise never ceased. It is tiring to listen to them but yet I am so amazed each time, leaving me to wonder how can one person think so greatly of herself and have such a life of wonderful grandeur. That confidence and that proudness of oneself. And worse, it kinda demands me to praise and compliment as I listen to the words coming out of this person's mouth.

If what has been said or written was mostly untrue, it makes me wonder still how can one person can weave such stories from day to day, living in them, as if they are real. Is it because they live in a world where made believe has merge to reality? Where the mind fail to distinguish between the reality and dreams? Kinda like Fight Club.

But what if every bit of the stories are true. I will be happy for her. It is a wonderful life, blessed with so many talents, beautiful things and all that a girl want for. Then again, you wonder if they are true, would you still go on and talk about it to everyone. It is now seem like bragging, doesn't it?

I am being judgemental. I am skeptical. I am disbelief. I lack of trust. I know this is bad, sigh!

Despite that, I am really curious to know this person, to understand how does the thought process work and the personality. Interesting person to study.

Maybe there are some truth of what has been said. Better be, or else, that person has serious issues. Or is it just me?

Party @ Velvet

A Maorian or a puppy?

Yeah, groovy baby!

Party animals

Thorn (Mr Banker - woo hoo!) among Roses!

Cheeky cheeky

After PD last Sat, I went to Velvet at midnite with another group of great friends - Juni, Delphinus, Wendy, Sweetie and Banker. Later Adrian, Antje, Vikram and 2 other guys I have no idea what are their names :P joined us.

It was a mad long day already, I knew, but I wasn't that tired. Must be the massage I had earlier. I just want to get out and not be drown into my negative emotions. And I really want to party with the gang especially I had promised Delphinus and Banker quite a while ago that I would go clubbing at least once with them, before Banker is gone for sure and won't be coming to Malaysia on weekends anymore and stay in Singapore as he was supposed to. We have said too many times a good bye to Banker. LOL.

It was my first time to Velvet. Only to been Zouk once, but not Velvet. It was so crowded there. They play nice music. We sneaked to Zouk but it was playing Trance music there and it was too loud there, so we went back to Velvet. We party till the lights were turned on and music was turned off. Banker was so drunk, which I didn't know till today. I was the most sober and not polutted with a single drop of alcohol. The rest of the gang were steady too :)

We then went for dim sum and yak till late dawn. What a nite, err, morning. I missed the sunrise Easter service at 6.30am organised by Calvary Church. God, please forgive me for not going to church. I really do love You!

Photos taken by Delphinus and Adrian (C) 2006

Day trip to PD

Me reading the newspaper and chilling.
Under the shade of coconut tree.
Rainbow...very refreshingly nice.
About to sunset.
My new friends, Chika and Rayna.

I went to PD on a day trip last Saturday with a group of friends. Not been there for ages. Due to some past reasons, PD has been a no no. But now, I can go there as much as I like.

I woke up on early Saturday morning with an unsure feeling if I should go. I was not enthusiastic. I was not able to decide if I should go or not. Staying back sounds good where I could play tennis in the evening, but spending a day away from KL will be nice too. Finally I went. It was the right choice. Never listen to my heart. It is always irrational :S

Some of my friends wanted to go there for watersports like wind surfing and kayaking but I only want to chill by the beach, enjoy the sea breeze and the company. I went for a full body aromatheraphy massage with Jade. It was really nice and relaxing. We both fell asleep after the massage.

The rest of the time, we talked and discussed issues among each other and I enjoyed that. During this trip, I get to know my friends a little better. It was also really nice to meet 2 new friends - Chika and her cute daughter, Rayna. She is so full of life and bubbly.

Dinner was great at a seafood restaurant in PD. It was cheap too. I ate Ostrich meat for the first time. No smell and tasted good. I am surprised I like it.

And I musn't forget that I owed Jade and Orion money too from the trip :P Thanks Orion for organising this and persuading me to go. And to everyone else that went, thank you for the company.

Photos taken by Gervais (C) 2006

Mah Jong Madness

Here are photos from my Mah Jong sessions with friends from last Friday nite.

Arranged tiles during a game.

My Mah Jong tiles bought by my dad for me.

Unpacking Mah Jong tiles before a game.

A game in process.

Pelenalaka has been very generous in allowing all of us in his house for several Mah Jong sessions since the past 2 weeks. There are lotsa food, drinks, yummy ice-creams and most importantly, my favourite delicious sorbet. It was like a small pot luck party but with the objective of playing Mah Jong.

Pele has been patient in teaching newbies to this traditional chinese tile game. Many has the opportunity to learn the game. Some got addicted. I got addicted. It was fun. I like the game. So much so that I got my dad to get me a set of the Mah Jong tiles from Melaka, which is much cheaper than buying it from KL.

I learnt to play the Cantonese Mah Jong when I was younger but I have forgotten how the game works. But Pele taught us the Taiwanese game of Mah Jong. It is a bit different from the Cantonese Mah Jong game, I heard. If you like Jim Rummy, you probably can pick this game up really fast. Man, he is strict. He even QC-ed us during the games. I am bit slow, so Pele did voice out his frusfration of my mistakes.

Playing Mah Jong keeps the mind off many things and yet making the brain sharp and alert, especially mine, which often idles and wanders to stupid stuff. And it is a social game, perfect to chill and hang out with friends. I hope to have more Mah Jong sessions, but with Mrs Pele and the twin back from France soon, I foresee very limited opportunity to play in the future.

Photos taken by Gervais (C) 2006

Post weekend

Can't sleep and all I can do was surfing the net, which I had no idea what to look at actually. Thanks goodness, Delphinus appear online at this ungodly hour and we are chatting now. I am glad that I have her and friends to talk to too. I guess I am really lonely inside. It is silly feeling but I honestly do feel so.

It has been a weekend with lotsa mixed feelings. I was happy doing stuff with friends, but inside, at times, I was feeling ebb and flow. What happened 15 minutes on a Sunday can spoil the entire weekend too. But I know it is better to hang out with friends than sitting at home idling myself and dwelling into my own miseries.

Just wish my days will be clearer again. I really dislike what I am feeling now and what I had to go through right now. I am so mentally exhausted. Urgh, I need to sleep but I am so wide awake. Maybe I'll post some of the pix of what I have been during last week. Later.

A week of silence

I've not been posting for a week now. Sorry.

I really want to write and share some updates with you but just not interested to do so at the moment.

I am going through another wave of roller coaster ride again. I do want to let out the misery inside me, but I just too numb to spill. Something happened to me since my last post and it is affecting me in a bad way. I just need to find my path again.

Am home and bored.

It's Friday nite and I am sitting in my room, blogging! Darn. How sad. I wanna go out. But seems like everyone else has a plan except me. I had a plan earlier but due to my own doing, I don't even have a plan now.

I am not going to watch a movie alone, not again! I don't feel like reading either. In short, I don't want a house arrest tonite. Somebody, please save me, this self-made Rapunzel.

Earlier during lunch time, me and some colleagues went to True Fitness to check out the gym. Apparently one of the largest gym and what-not-sales-talk. After the tour of the gym, the fitness counselor offered us a fat analysis of our body. And after measuring some meat off our tummy, arms and back with an equipment that pinches, I was told my points was 33.2%. She showed me a chart for the points, and shockingly true, I am in the obese category.

Can you believe that? I am an obese. So next time anyone telling me I am too thin and ask me to eat more, I had no idea who to believe.

Urgh! Not a good beginning to a weekend :(

I can't write :S

At this moment, I am writing a proposal to a client on a newly improved product. To be precise, I am blogging now. I was writing a proposal. Then I got distracted. Way too often today.

I just realised that my brain is rusty and I can barely write. Long gone were those days where I can write two or three proposals to customers in a day, on top of doing other work.

Luckily, I write in this blog, or else, I am not able to write anything anymore.

I had a bad habit. I know I had to finish the proposal today, but I get so easily distrated. I suddenly had so many things to do. This is really bad. I am getting lazier. Very lazy. Not good. *shake head*

More jewelleries

Voila! here are other designs from Allyfeel. Note that you can choose your own colour combination. They are all for sale. Just let me know if you like them, and Allyfeel will custom made them :)

P/S: For bigger, click on the image

Glittering bracelets

*** *** ***
Cute dangling earrings.

*** *** ***
Circular pendant

A ring for me

Allyfeel made me a ring. Very pretty and intricate. With Swarovski crystal - black and light brown. I like it and wore it for a day at work yesterday. Thank you so much, Allyfeel.

Then this morning, when Allyfeel show me the other colour variations she has made of the same ring pattern, I wanted the other colour - a light purple and brown. This is much cheerful combination of colours and the colours make me happy. It was halfway done and she said I can have that instead once she completed it. Thank goodness, she let me exchange it :)


1. Allyfeel beading and knotting the crystals one by one, so patiently.

2. Work in progress of the ring... almost completed but not yet.

3. The completed pretty ring on my hand. Nice, eh?
4. Allyfeel and me with rings handmade with love by Allyfeel herself


Some of the different variations of colours of the same ring made by Allyfeel.

Oh yes, a little bit of marketing here... these rings are for sale, if you are interested. They can come in sets or in any combination of rings, earrings, bracelets and pendants. Allyfeel can custom made these where choose the colour combination you like... or even some other designs.

Mine is the middle one on the middle finger. Sounds a bit vulgar :P

She will be putting up a site soon to display all her handiwork. It will be easier for everyone to choose what they like then.

Beautiful Blooms

My childhood best friend sent me an email with a 20MB attachment of photos!!! My email application collapsed and my computer froze. But it was all worth it coz the photos were great. The photos were taken last weekend where she and her family and parents had spent a day at the Singapore Botanical Garden.

Her cute daughter, Happy, yes, her name is Happy if literally translated from her chinese name took all the photos of the flowers. Very good for a 8 year old.

I have asked permission to post some of the photos on this blog, just so you can see them too.

Close up of a purplish bloom. Very pretty.

I always like this orchid, just love their whitish-greenish colour. They are simple yet very elegant.

The file name of this image was named Beautiful when it was sent to me. I agree :)

The young pretty photographer. Ain't she sweet?

All Year Round

Before I go sleep tonite, here is a song for someone who means a lot to me and whom I absolutely love spending time with.

Just learnt about this song last nite through Pelenalaka and I think it will be nice to put it down in here especially after what I said this evening, which I am truly sorry. I do not ever wanted or intended to mean that at all.

All Year Round
by Paul Weller

Our eyes meet across the floor
We don’t have to say much more
Lets take a chance on it
Say you’ll be mine till spring

We kiss on crowded streets
We kiss everytime we meet
Who knows how it will go
Stay here till summer comes

I love you more each day God sends
Love you because you are my friend
Oh, don’t say our luck has blown
Oh stick with it till autumn goes

Lets make love in the light
Sleep together every night
Oh, with dark days all about
Oh, lets stay together, see the winter out

Boss' Birthday today

Today is the birthday of my boss, the Managing Director of the company I am working in. We (some people from the office) had vegetarian lunch with him today. I wanted to order Bittergourd with marmite sauce but he won't allow because he believes that eating bittergourd on such an auspicious day will make his future bitter. Anyway, lunch was good and I ate too much.

He doesn't read my blog unless he secretly knew about it or found out from people who know both him and me. But anyway, I'm doing my bit of ampu-ing here...

Happy Birthday to you, Boss! Hope business is good this year and we can get our bonus and increment. Yay!

P/S: He had a French Boudoir themed birthday party at the Zeta Bar, Hilton last Sunday with actual bar-top sexy dancers and a five piece band. How kinky is that! But I wasn't there to witness such a bold party here in our conservative country due to some terms and conditions he set for me. No worries, I was actually glad that I was not there. Instead, I had fun eating bbq and playing pictionary with some friends.

Moments captured in Gopeng

As promised, here are the photos during my white water rafting trip in Sungai Itik, Gopeng last Saturday for your viewing pleasure...

In the car, on the way to the river, passing through kampung.

Blue sky, perfect day for us.

The glorious river, with cool water awaiting to challenge us.

Excited rafters all ready for action.

Rafters in action. Totally uncoordinated in the coordinated way.

Roughing through the rocks and current.


Photos taken and copyrighted by Delphinus 2006

Banker - This is for you!

Hey Banker, I've been trying to call you on your phone but can't reach. Not sure where are you now but I am sure am thinking of you at this moment.

Your email and posting on the forum to all of us really touched my heart. It was both sad and funny.

Just wanna let you know that it has been great knowing you. Err... Do you read my blog? Most prolly not or never. Anyway, although I have not known you for years but merely months, but I feel that you have been one of the greatest friends I have made. I really appreciate your friendship.

Remember these times?

...when we can't pee pee coz we are laughing so hard at each other. Oops. No, we are at different cubicles and at total privacy from each other.

...those senseless yet logical fictions we created during our trip to Melaka. LOL!

...sharing our favourite tv serie, not going to mention the name. *wink*wink* I have the remaining episodes for you.

...I am glad you convinced me to go for rafting. That was cool. Err, I did not save you :)

...where you knew exactly what I was saying without me stating the obvious when everyone else don't know.

...texting each other across the table. I'm still puzzled why we did that! We could've talk but it was funny nevertheless :P

I will cherish all these happy and crazy moments we have shared. They will always make me smile. Inside, it is kinda sad to see you leave but it is true, you will not be far. You are only 4 hours drive away from all of us here. And knowing that you will be with Mrs Banker, I know you will be very happy. I wish you all the very best in your future undertakings. I will miss you. And I hope that we will always be good friends.

Oh well, now I have a reason to visit Singapore which I never really like. And I am looking forward to meet Mrs Banker and Banker Jr.

Delphinus, get your passport!!! This is an order. We are visiting Mr & Mrs Banker and Banker Jr soon! And while we are there, I can visit my two dearest CP - one is my sis and one is my childhood best friend.

Please...

Note to self...

MUST always remember to say "Please" whenever and each time I want something or need a help from someone else.

Urgh...I am a still a human prototype.

Bits of Emotions 2

what's inside
only me to know
not will anyone
don't assume
don't decide
don't tell me
let it silently
lies within me
~ k*a

*** *** ***

I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me
~ Calling all Angels by Train

*** *** ***

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize

I'll close my eyes and then I won't see
The love you do not feel, when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then, to give up this fight

*** *** ***

Think for a while...
If you were in a rowboat and wanted to move forward, which would better? The right oar or the left oar? You actually need both, because if you use only one oar, you will go in circles. But when both oars are working together in harmony, they will get you to the shore.

*** *** ***

The little conversations
If I tried my very best
You know I never could say anything
In twenty words or less.
Somewhere, sometime, down the line
Someday I may confess,
And spill it all. that’s all

The little conversations
On me are very rough
They leave me all in pieces
You know there’s never time enough
Like a book with missing pages
Like a story incomplete
Like a painting left unfinished
It feels like not enough to eat.
Starvin’

These little conversations
Well for me they’ll never do
Now what am I supposed to do with
Broken sentences of you?
I’ll stay in my corner `cause
That’s all that I can do
And let the others speak for me.
Little conversations
Are we.
~ Little Conversations by Concrete Blonde

Jungle trekking

After thinking really hard on what I want to do to expel this boredom, I came up with this brilliant idea - I want to go jungle trekking! Yeap, at least now I am a bit excited thinking of it. Woo hoo!

After experience the beautiful green jungle surounding Sg Itik in Gopeng last Saturday, I think I would like to go trekking. I think starting with the trek in FRIM will be nice. I heard they even have a canopy walkway, which was used for some trees research. It will be good to build my stamina, which I was told recently to build up, if I wanna dive in Layang-Layang next month.

Talking bout that, I have yet to start any form of exercise. I did wake up at 6.30 this morning with the aspiration to jog or walk in the park. But with an excuse of the nagging migraine from the past 2 days, I peeped at the park through my window and see people are already performing all kind of exercises, then I went back to sleep.

Ok, the number one to do list for the next 3 weeks, is to exercise to improve leg strength and stamina. Err...any idea how to start and what to do?

Surge of Idleness attacked me today

Idling can make your mind blunt. Dull. Bland.

Inside me, I am feeling I wanna run away from here, to somewhere exotic and foreign to me, or to do something dangerous, where my mind can be sharp, where my soul can be free and where I can be challenged.

In the ho hum of dullness, it is actually piercingly painful in the stomach. I kinda have anxiety attack when I think how stuck I am in this dullness.

No matter how many podcasts I listened to, from travels, to comedy, even latest hits music podcast and learning French via podcast, I am still bored.

I aimlessly surf the net, punching meaningless keywords for the sake of seeing a new webpage being loaded.

I read blogs, but not everyone is free to blog all the time. Same posts, the day before, yesterday, this morning, this afternoon, just now and now.

Online friends on messenger are either marked Away or Busy or Idle. Thank goodness for the little chats here and there.

Linkin Park, Tiesto, Matchbox Twenty, French chanteurs, Katie Melua, jazzy Sergio Mendes and what not mp3s in my iTunes barely able to erase the blandness.

I actually feel like a barren land. A plain where rain has not fallen in months, and, plants are yellowing and dying, and the animals are slowing leaving.

Bear with me. I apologise for whining. I am so darn bored. You have no idea how it feels.

Ciggies and coffee

I dislike people smoking in toilets. Dislike is too mild a word. I hate it very much. Already stuck in a toilet cubicle, it is totally uncomfortable to be choked with cigarrette smokes. There are a few culprits from the next door offices that often smoke in the common toilet of our office floor.

On Sunday, I noticed something about myself. Although I am allergic to alcohol but I consume more alcohol than I drink coffee or coca-cola. I can't even remember how coffee taste like but I can remember how it smell like. The only coffee I have ever tasted are from tiramisu or mocha cakes. Grandma used to say I made really good coffee, which I often made in the mornings for her in a big pot and a flask, which she would consumed the entire day. B complimented that I made really nice nescafe too.

White water rafting experience

Urgh! Had a migraine the entire day. Perhaps the air-cond from last nite caused it. Or maybe I was dehydrated from Sat. Had 4 panadols and it is still here, bugging the hell outta me.

Yesterday, I went white water rafting at Sungai Itik in Gopeng, Perak with some friends and strangers. It took Banker one week to convince me to go for it. I told Chippie about it and he immediately said yes to go. I wish I had that kind of enthuasiasm. Delphinus was there too, but wasn't rafting due to her recovering back. She was talking photos, reading, chatting and chilling by the riverside.

Some of the people in the group and Chippie opted for hydrospeed where you hang on to a body board and river surf all the way down the river. Yes, all over the rocks and cold water. It seemed really scary but much more exciting than white water rafting. Me? I was happy to be rafting on a raft cushioned with air where I could hide in the belly of the raft if anything went wrong.

It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I was expecting fast gushing foaming white water on rocky river going downhill. I was expecting it to be extremely rapid swooshing bumpy ride all the way down the river. But it wasn't that bad either. Just some bumps and rocky rides here and there to churn a little adrenaline inside, but it was quite easy. That was because the guides on the front and back of the raft were doing all the hard work to get us through the rapids and bumps. They even had to get us and the raft moving when we are stuck on the rocks. Plus, the river we went to, are just right and safe for amateurs and beginners like me.

They gave us instructions to row forward and backwards, to move to the front, back, left and right of the raft. My group comprised of 2 guides, Banker, Javana, Matt1972 and me. I think we are the most serious group coz we concentrated so hard and follow every single instruction so carefully, unlike the other groups that are laughing and happily splashing water at each other. None the less, we were very satisfied and happy.

One bit I found irritating was that we constantly have to stop and wait for our turns as the other rafts had get through some rocky rapids before we could. So after bracing one exciting rapids, we have to wait a while. I guess if there wasn't a lot of rafts, we would have moved all the way down without stopping.

And I got a bit darker again. I tanned so easily. There is a two skin tone now on arms and legs. Even marks of my Teva on my feet. Darn!

What I like most was the scenery. The little jungle surounding the river was totally beautiful and tranquil. The scenery was beautiful as we were rafting down the river. Even the drive towards Gopeng was excellent with views of nice limestone mountains and green jungles along the highway.

I am glad I went for it. It was interesting to do something different, something I thought I won't do coz I am a little chicken inside. If I am a little braver, I might even try hydrospeed. But looking at Chippie's bruises and Wendy's twisted wrist, I will need a lot of courage.

I will post some pix once I gotten them from Delphinus.

End of work on Friday

It is the Friday again...Yahoo!

I am looking forward to another weekend where I don't have to go to work for 2 days, where I can look forward to do something else besides staring at my notebook and pretend to be working hard.

But on the other hand, I can't imagine not working too. What am I gonna do if I don't go to work? Everyone else will be working and I will be alone doing nothing, staying home, walking the malls alone, err... that will be darn boring too.

And of course, the monthly income. Not much for definitely much needed for daily survival and to pay for my hobbies.

So, it is good to be able to go to work everyday though I don't have a very important job. I should be thankful and grateful. I am, very.

I better stop rambling. It is my idling mind talking.

Today's Random News

#1
Can't sleep last nite. Arrghh! I hope my insomniac self is not back. Maybe because of eventful Tuesday. Already can't sleep, got a late nite phone call. Darn!

#2
Feeling very "Bleh!" today. Empty. SIEN! Bored. Like PMS but definitely not. Can I blame on Tuesday, again? Or maybe I didn't sleep well last nite?

#3
Was feeling very demotivated to go diving at Layang-Layang next month until I saw the Layang-Layang Resort website. Then I found out from Asther's and Layang-Layang Blues blogs that Hammerheads were spotted daily for the past few days. Even Mantas too. Now I wish I was there right at this very moment. Hope they will all still be around when I am there in 1 mth time.

#4
Double arrghh! Got queried by a close friend for being MIA from church. I have been obviously busy the past few weeks - CNY, Mataking, Shanghai, Redang, F1 and all. Don't you wish you have a life like mine? No!

#5
Tonite, I am toasting myself black. After work, I will be heading to my yoga class which I have been missing the past 2 weeks due to Redang and Lionel Ritchie's concert. Right after yoga, I am going to a welcome back dinner for a friend and then I am going to watch Underworld 2 alone. Hope it is not that scary.

#6
Saw two different kids at two different locations in two different superheros costumes within 12 hours. One was Batman and the other Spiderman. Thought that was quite a nice co-incidence.

#7
I want to eat Tai Thong egg tart. Very nice. I want to eat Brickfield's goreng pisang.

#8
I want to buy a river sandal. Teva. Design inspired by Jesus Christ's shoes. Also, I want to buy a BCD, a complete reg set and a digital camera.

Oh well, that's all for now. k*a signing out for now.

Delphinus' Big Day Today

Dearest Delphinus a.k.a Kaiserin,

Because you mean so very much,
you're wished a birthday filled
with all the beauty a day can bring,
all the love a heart can hold,
all the happiness you so deserve.

Happy Happy Birthday to you with lotsa love!

Hugs, krazie*angel

Latest addition to our family

This cute sweetheart is the new member to the family. Meet Dylan, my 15 days old nephew as of today. These photos are taken by his daddy when he was 1 week old. Isn't he adorable?

Welcome to this world, Dylan. Love and hugs from me!

A dedication to my distant aunt

She was always bubbly, full of laughter and ever so chatty. She was always in bright red dress and with red lipstick during Chinese New Year.

She would welcome me and my friends whenever I brought them to visit her home, which is the famous long antique house along Jonker Street. She gladly gave us the grand tour of her home, explaining details of the home, including the history.

I love talking to her. She never failed to ask me the two big questions each time she saw me. And we will always joke about that.

The first time I met her was during her wedding, many many years ago, when I was still in school. She was getting married to my mom's cousin.

The last time I met her was in a hospital, about 2 years ago. She was ill but her spirit was high.

She was dearly known as Ling. She was my distant aunt. She passed away yesterday. But I am sure she is in a better place now, where pain ceased and peace and happiness reigns.

To the family, my deepest condolences. I am so sorry for your loss.

To Auntie Ling, you will be dearly missed, especially during Chinese New Year. The long big house will never be the same without you again.

Tiesto

I was bad to always connect Trance/House music to Ah Bengs and Ah Lians. Head banging or drugs like X or Ice. Don't mean to make fun of anyone, ok? Just me and my perception. My bad. So I am one of those boring people who don't understand this kind of music. Yes, I probably rather listen to Michael Jackson than DJ Tiesto's concoction if you were to ask me 2 weeks ago.

A couple weeks ago, a friend who is a big, or rather a huge fan of Dj Tiesto was so excited when he saw a bunting along the road next to Beach Club that said DJ Tiesto is coming to town. Can't see when or where coz we passed by the buntings really fast. I went online and checked. It was the Pit Party during the F1 race. He convinced another friend and me to go for the party.

Not knowing who the heck is Tiesto and his genre of music, I got my colleague to download all Tiesto's music. At first, all I hear was repeatitive beats and after a few times of listening to them, it kinda grow into me. I like the rhythm and the repetitiveness, it sorta swallow you into a floating realm. So I got my colleague to download DJ Sammy's music too. So there is Ah Lianness in me too :)

On Sat, after F1, a swim and super yummy dinner cooked personally by the huge fan of DJ Tiesto for the three of us, we headed to the huge limousine taxi carpark in Sepang which has transformed to a huge rave party. Man, I have never seen so many young people in my whole life. I have never seen so many sexy people walking around in almost nothing...oh well, I am exagerating, but they do wear extremely sexy. Made me wonder where are these people during broad daylight on a normal day? I have never known that DJ Tiesto is so popular.

That nite, after a few beer, which I am not supposed to consume at all, by the rules of my religion :P and by the restriction of my health, I was pretty excited. Gee, in brief, I had never danced or party that hard since I was 18? I was happy and I feel good. Delphinus was there and I was even happier to have her company. Then we both spotted Shaolin Tiger, whose blog we read daily. How cool is that?

Ahh...I just can't believe I was partying like that at this age. Oh well, we all went home at 1pm, just when the party got really exciting and fun, coz we were too tired. Delphinus continued to party on, in search of the sunrise with Tiesto. Age really is catching up, whether we like it or not. And I am red and itchy - darn the alcohol.

First time @ F1

Before the race begins. Everyone in anticipation.

It was the 8th time Malaysia has hosted the F1 race and this is my first time I went to watch one. Reasons for not watching? Never like the sport, never like the sun, can't justify paying that much to watch and it is shown free on TV.

It was hot, so darn hot and I was sweating all the time. On both days - Sat and Sun. And the seats are dirty. Oh well, I better stop complaining and be grateful instead, coz I got the tix free. I was very fortunate as I was on the Grand Stand, facing the pit stops and under the shade.

Everything sold there were expensive. Food was expensive. One true example - a hotdog with bun cost RM15. Hell. Next example, I can't imagine buying a shirt with all the companies' logos that cost RM560. We the buyers, are advertising for them, aren't we? And we pay them to advertise for them. Smart marketing strategy.

Although I don't have any favourite team, but you can ask me who I think is the cutest F1 driver. Same reason why I watch football. A friend commented that I am shallow. Yes, that I am. But the egotistical me decided to throw some trivias on F1 to defend that I am not shallow at all. Guess the more I do that, the shallower I get :P

Oh yes, it is deafening to be there each time the cars passed through. I am impressed with my roomate in Uni who does not need any ear plugs at all.

Fans in train after the race. How loyal!

Scruffilly charming

Ahh...a secret compliment for Myster Rious. Still like the usual scruffy self, but somehow, in that shirt, with a faint silhouette of a her, and pair of jeans...brings out a charm, that long forgotten and gone unnoticed.

It was very relaxing, casual and somewhat, appealing. Forget ironing, it doesn't really matter.

That nite, the good look was noticed. Head turned. Mind thought twice. Smile formed. No showing off at all, but just naturally charming without anyone being aware that one is being noticed and the other noticed.

Funny how one appears that way once in a while and take another's breath away.

Or the other person simply never make the effort to notice.

Or one no longer able to observe the beauty of the other once it is always there.

Peanut Butter Cup

The classic REESE'S -The perfect combination of creamy peanut butter in a rich milk chocolate cup that no one can resist.

A classmate of mine brought a pack of the above to class yesterday to celebrate another classmate's birthday. I ate one of them and I really like it. It is so yummy. She bought it from a sundry shop from Ampang. I would love to get some for myself again.

If you ever see this around, do try it and please save some for me :)

Good bye, Mini. I am so sorry.

I can't sleep. I am so upset and sad. I feel awful :S :(

One of the fishies died, the smallest of the 4. I'm so sorry, Mini.

I came home from a wonderful dinner with friends, feeling upbeat and happy. As usual, I will go take a look fishies as soon as I walk into my home. My heart dropped to the floor when I saw the littlest one is floating, lifeless, on the surface of the water. I stood there, frozen for a moment, feeling really awful.

I really can't bear it when I had to scoop it up from the water. Its eyes were white in colour and seemed like they are shut. Its belly was black in colour. The whole scenario was too sad and I could feel my body weakening. It is sad when I had to put it in a plastic bag and throw it away. Now late Mini is in my rubbish bag :(

It is only a fish, right? And it is not even mine. I just realised how weak I am that I can't even handle such a death, which may seem trivial and insignificant to many others. I felt irresponsible that I can even pet sit rightly. Will the other fishies be ok? Will they survive till they are back at their home again.

I haven't told the owner yet. I feel so guilty. I am so sorry.

Bits of Emotions

When you’re driving with the brakes on
When you’re swimming with your boots on,
It’s hard to say you love someone
And it’s hard to say you don’t

~ Driving With The Brakes On by Del Amitri


Raise your head up
Lift high the load
Take strength from those that need you
Build high the walls
Build strong the beams
A new life is waiting
But danger’s no stranger here

No words describe a mother’s tears
No words can heal a broken heart
A dream is gone, but where there’s hope

Somewhere something is calling for you
Put your faith in what you most believe in
Two worlds, one family
Trust your heart
Let fate decide
To guide these lives we see

~ Two Worlds by Phil Colins


What would you do if I could have you?
Oh if I could
I'd let you feel everything I'm thinking
Wouldn't that be nice?

And one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you

~ One of These Days by Michelle Branch


What you thought was real in life, has somehow steered you wrong
And now you just keep drivin' tryin' to find where you belong

I know you feel helpless now, I know you feel alone
That’s the same road, and the same road that I’m on, Yeah

~ The Road I'm On by Three Doors Down

Gossip vs Flattery

A good definition of gossip and flattery is this: Gossip is saying behind a person's back what you would never say to his or her face. Flattery is saying to a person's face what you would never say behind his or her back.

Captain Pilot Uniform for bidding!

Was listening to a podcast and found out that Ebay recently pulled a listing that a Delta Air Lines Captain had placed on the auction site.

Up for sale? Captain Wendall Lewis's Captain's uniform.

After Lewis saw his monthly pension of $6500 slashed by 73%, he decided to make a statement, which I think is very profound and poignant.

And here was his statement:


AUTHENTIC Delta Air Lines Captain Pilot Uniform This uniform was worn by a dedicated Delta Pilot for many years. Now retired and robbed of part, or all, of promised pension, uniform is now offered for sale to supplement income. Suit is worn and empty but filled with memories and honor. Suit has been across many miles and many experiences. Suit was once filled with pride and service getting thousands of passengers to their destination safely. Suit has been through rain, snow, ice, and wind without a single tear or scratch. Suit once controlled multi-million dollar assets, flown throughout the world, with billions of dollars of liability to the company. Suit has never cost company one (1) cent in accident or injury.

Although the suit is worn and has been discarded by the company, it can be yours. Suit is clean but used. Coat may be soiled from hydraulic fluid or grease as plane was inspected. Shirt may be soiled from mad dashes through the airport in a rush to the next plane in an effort to get back on schedule. Tie may have stains from fast food meals that were hurriedly eaten while at the controls.

Tie comes with your choice of pins, Air Line Pilots Association, Air Force, or Airplane. Pants may show signs of wear from may hours spent strapped into a seat, hip shows some signs of wear from firearm used to protect you and your passengers from harm. Shoes are shiny but worn. Suit comes with choice of Old Delta or New Delta emblems. Many prefer the Old Delta.

Suit is thought by many to have APHRODISIAC qualities, although this cannot be confirmed or denied.

BEWARE putting on this suit can have adverse effects on your life. It can cause you to miss your childrens' birth. It can cause you to miss holiday reunions, family times, and weekends. You may miss your Daughter's prom and your Son's graduation. Your family may think Christmas is not always on December 25th. Your wife will have to learn to be a single parent when you are gone for days. The suit can cause you to miss entire nights of sleep or get up at 3 AM to meet your next schedule. Your neighbors may be jealous of you and think you do not deserve to wear the uniform or be compensated for your work.

Originally suit required a four year college degree and an internship of 5-10 years in the military, and another 10-15 years for the fourth stripe. Suit comes with a promise of a pension if you provide years of dedication and service. THE PROMISE MAY BE AS EMPTY AS THE SUIT. Now it can be had for the highest bid. Good Luck bidding.


Bidding started at $1.00.

Falling For You

Said there'd be no going back
Promised myself I'd never be that sad
Maybe that's why you've come along
To show me, it's not always bad

Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so

It's true I've become a skeptic
How many couples really love
Just wish I had a crystal ball
To show me, if it's worth it all

Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so
Yeah I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so

And I've got to be sure
Coz it's been so long
And I cannot take the pain again
If it all goes wrong

Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so
Yeah I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so

I want you so much
I need you so much
I want you so much
I need you so much
[believe me my love
believe me my love]

by Jem

Ponder on this...

If you were in a rowboat and wanted to move forward, which would better? The right oar or the left oar? You actually need both, because if you use only one oar, you will go in circles. But when both oars are working together in harmony, they will get you to the shore.

From highway with love

Took this photo as we (Delphinus a.k.a Kaiserin, Sherine, Banker and me) were cruising down the North South Highway from Melaka back to KL. Banker and Sherine were sleeping soundly behind. I was trying to stay awake by meddling with Delphi's camera while she was driving. I must admit, right after this, I fell asleep.

You can see me vaguely in the relection. That's the mysterious me ;)

We had so much fun in Melaka. The main objective to go there was to eat the famous Chicken Rice Ball that is only available authentically from Melaka, my hot hometown. And yes, we ate so much and we ate twice. Once for breakfast and once for tea.

I wasn't aware yet that avian flu has attacked Malaysia then.

Most time, we talked shite and most time, they are crap, but we managed to weave a complete and reasonably logical story that can almost seem real. It was funny and I had never laughed so much for so long.

Food finished.

Fish food are all gone now. Finished.

Poor fishies must be so hungry. I dare not go near them coz I don't want to excite them and give them nothing. I should have foresee that.

I guess they can last a day or two without food until I buy them new food. They lasted for a few days when I was away. And I hope they will hang in day for now.

Fish Brain

When I go near the aquarium, the fishes that I am petsitting at the moment will swim towards me. When I put my hand above the aquarium, they will swim to the surface.

I think they know I am bringing them food. I wonder if fish has brain. I wonder if the fish can be conditioned like what Ivan Pavlov had done to his dog.

I like to play this trick with the fishies every morning, sometimes a few times in the morning, and I love watching them swimming so fast towards me. Early evening also works. I guess those are the time when they are hungry. So cute.

I am gonna miss them when they go home.

Photos to share

A friend sent me these photos from wherever he was during his vacation. They are really beautiful and picturesque and I wanna share them with you. Enjoy!

The below 3 scenic photos are taken in Carne Golf Course, Belmullet County, Mayo, Ireland...




And it's winter wonderful at his home...

Thanks for the photos. Really happy to receive them :)

Sick image for V day.

Valentine's day came and gone now. Hearts are no longer in display in stores. Thank goodness.

Till now, some people are still sad or upset for not receiving anything from someone that they have expected to send them a gift or roses, or worse come to worst, at least a wish over an sms.

Some are simply glad that V day is over and they won't have to face it for next one year.

Some are still reminiscing over the wonderful V day they have celebrated.

Some totally not bothered with V-day or any other day such as Christmas or Birthdays.

And me, still blogging about V-day?

Mine went well. Got an ecard, a card, a present, ate call-in pizza with B, had a lovely tiramisu with a lovely friend and lotsa wishes on emails, mostly spams from one specific friend - Kate... arghh! And still waiting for 200 kisses someone owed me. Bwahaha. Sweet!

Oh well, back to why I am blabbing about V-day? I saw an album cover that strike me dumb. Not in awe but got me thinking what the heck is this. I thought the album cover is sick? You definitely won't want this present on V day. So be grateful even if you received nothing.

See and judge for yourself. Sick. Ee yuck!

An unexpected unfortunate news

While I was in Hangzhou, I received an sms from a friend telling me that he had received an weird email from a mutual friend of ours and he had a feeling she is not ok. I couldn't do much as I do not know head or tail of this. I could not access my email to see if she had emailed me the same. I wanted to sms her to see if she is ok but maybe she did not want me to know. It is too expensive to call too. In short, I did not do anything but replied my friend's sms by telling him that I hope that she is gonna be ok.

Today when I am back to office, where I am back to my normal life, with computer and internet, I did my usual routine, checking and reading friends' blogs. I read her blog and suddenly I remembered that sms I received and I understand why she was not ok.

My heart is so saddened when I read from her blog that her friend has passed away during a diving weekend trip in Jarak before the Valentine's day. Although I do not know him at all, but I feel really sad. Looking at his photos, all with smiles, made me even sadder. It made me wonder too, what actually happened.

I called my friend and she is obviously still very saddened by the incident and I am someone who is absolutely not tactful and always saying something stupid, decided that I could only tell her how sorry I am.

If Miki-C had not had her wedding dinner on that weekend, I would have joined them in that diving trip. I guess it would be very traumatic for me if I have to experience this.

I told Miki-C and she too was saddened although she too, do not know him. Well, I guess as the last respect, I shall not refer him as him, but his name is Mr Laurence Thong.

When I imagine if this were to happen to me or my friends during our diving trip, I get really scared and sad. It is fine if I die, but the anguish I could cause to my fellow divers, that I would not want to happen. But if anything to happen to my dear friends or fellow divers, what and how do I tell his/her loved ones?

To Mr Laurence Thong, a stranger, now gone to be with our dear Lord, someone that I knew today from blogs, I am very sure you are now safe and happy with our dear heavenly Father and I pray to Him to keep you by His side eternally.

To my friend, Asther, take care. I will keep you in my prayers that our dear God gives you serenity and strength in this difficult moment.

To many, such incident reminds us to cherish life, our loved ones and God ever more and they are not to be taken for granted. I too, believe this is very true.

Delayed flight and waiting

It's 5 in the morning and I am in Changi Airport waiting to board my flight to Shanghai. The flight was delayed 4 hours. Darn!

Earlier in the bus from KL to Singapore, there was a burnt smell and they have to stopped the bus on the highway to fix it. I watched 2 movies in the bus - Ray and Troy.

Right now, I am sleepy and I am tired. I am cold too, right here in the airport and I don't know how I am gonna manage winter for the next few days. Mental images of the beach and swaying coconut trees are very welcoming.

Ok, time's up. I gotta go. They provide 15 mins of Internet access here free in the boarding gate.

My worries

I am worried...

...that the fishes that I am petsitting will die of hunger while I am gone

...I am spending way too much money


But life is meant to be enjoyed, ain't that true.

C'est la vie!

A V-day wish for you

Happy Valentine's Day to You!

May you be blessed and showered with lotsa love, joy, care, peace and happiness every second of your life.

Meme on 4 tagged by Stargazer

Stargazer tagged me with this meme. Just can't say no to her. So here, read on the secrets of my life :)

4 Jobs I've Had In My Life

* Sales Assistant in Mission Music, a really small music store in Melaka.
* Restaurant crew in Pizza Hut Melaka
* Clerical staff of Hong Kong Bank in Lebuh Ampang
* Promoter of Pampers and Whisper sanitary pads in Fajar Supermarket, Melaka
(Jobs I have done which have enriched my youth)

4 Movies I Could Watch Over & Over

* American History X (Edward Norton is brilliant!)
* Fight Club (just because of Brad Pitt and Edward Norton's brilliant acting again and schizo film, my type)
* Amelie (cute, funny, beautifully edited, a poetry)
* Shawshank Redemption (I just love this movie)


4 TV Shows I Love(d) To Watch

* The Shield
* Gray's Anatomy
* CSI
* Star Trek TNG
(There are more and more... I am tv series addict. Listing only 4 do no justice for me)


4 Places Where I've Lived

* Melaka
* Penang
* Kuala Lumpur
* Selangor
(Oh well, Selangor and KL are about the same place)


4 Places I've Been On Vacation To

* Paris
* Sweden
* Australia
* Indonesia


4 Places I Would Rather Be

* Bora-Bora Island
* Some serene Greek island
* Barcelona, Spain
* In bed, cuddling/snuggling next to my special someone (no need bed, anywhere else comfy works for me too)


4 Of My Favourite Foods

* Mee Hoon Kueh
* Chap Chai Melaka Nyonya Style
* Cous cous & Mediterranean curry
* Yee Sang


4 Websites I Visit Daily

* Google
* Potpourri of Insanity
* Astrology dot com
* Apple startpage (I just can't seem to change this default startpage of my Safari browser :( !)


4 Beautiful People Worth Tagging

* Ghostwriter
* Delphinus/Kaiserin (Yes, again, sorry)
* Chinoz (Dunno your blog, dear... so please help me with this meme :P )
* Anti-Fanny (you know who you are... lol!)

TGIF *YAY*

Podcasting

After listening and laughing so hard to several episodes of The Ricky Gervais Show over a friend's iPod which he downloaded from some Podcast, I decided to find out what this Podcast fad is all about.

Miki-C's Narrrling is into Podcast too. That's why he own an iPod nano.

There is a Podcast icon in my iTunes application...which I never click on before.

So, I got really curious.

I start searching the directory of Podcast in my iTunes and I went "Whoa!" There is a whole load of cool stuff from all kind of topics to be downloaded and listened to. Kinda like a library in voice or visual. Almost anything you want, you can find something in Podcast. However, not much local stuff, tho.

Now I am addicted to Podcast. I have been listening some stupid shit, but they are fun.

I have these in my Podcasts in iTunes:-
* Betty in the Sky with a Suitcase! - Travel experiences narrated by Betty, an air stewardess
* Greys Anatomy Official Podcast - Weekly Interviews and Insights to the TV serieswith Greys Anatomy's crews
* iTunes New Music Tuesday - Roxy introducing the new music entries in iTunes each week
* Jason Mraz podcast channel - The singer himself on podcast, kinda like his voice blog. Quite entertaining.
* Keith and The Girl - Just a guy and a girl talking talking shite for an hour.
* Lonely Planet Travelcasts - So that I can listen about places I never been before
* The FrenchPodClass - To complement my F language class :P
* The Radio Adventures of Dr. Floyd - This family friendly new twist on "old time radio" features the adventures and exploits of the World's Most Brilliant Scientist, Dr. Floyd!

and of course...

* The Ricky Gervais Show - I just love how Ricky and Steve poke fun on Karl Pilkington who is simply hillarious.

I will continue to search for cool stuff to download. If you are into Podcast, mind sharing some of the stuff you are listening to?

Petsitting

I was assigned a huge responsibility :P LOL! I am petsitting 3 gold fishies and 1 angel fish for a friend who is going for a long vacation. I was thrilled yet worried. I just hate it if anything bad would happen to the fishies. You know how fragile they can be. No wonder we have that phrase - "Nyawa-nyawa ikan". I think I would cry if they die or anything. Choi! Choi! Touch wood.

These fishies were sent to me in a red pail, the one you use to fill up water to mop the floor. It come with a air pump, thank goodness. So for two days, these fishies were staying in this red pail. As I watched them, I could feel that the pail is definitely not condusive for these poor fishies who used to live a really huge nice tank. I think these fishies are depressed. Imagine this, all they can see is red all around! And the water in the pail went cloudier and I can barely see them. I thought to myself that I really need to do something about it.

I went over to Pets Wonderland in Mid Valley to check out cheap fish tank, at least they can live a little more comfortably. Stuff there were expensive and the fish tanks section was too near to the lizards area and my skin was crawling. So, I left empty handed.

As I was driving home, I passed by a small pet shop in Desa Pandan, which was almost closing coz it was late. I was the last customer, well, they don't have a choice, coz I went right into the shop while the roller shutter metal door is halfway down. Anyway, the uncle in the pet shop was really funny and friendly and he entertained all my silly questions about keeping fishes.

The last time I ever kept a fish was when I was 8 or 9. They are those cheap small fishes, which cost about 20 sen for 3 fishes back then. I used to buy them and keep them in Horlicks jar. Oh well, they never lasted and die quite quickly. Ikan betuk can last a bit longer but they are not pretty fishes, just plain greyish-brownish in colour.

Back to me in the pet shop. Finally I bought a not so small glass tank, a water filter for the air pump, anti-chlorine medication, three packets of rocks or pebbles in three different sizes (S,M,L), a small clay hut, a fake coconut tree and a live aquarium plant. All for RM90 only. I was taught how to prepare the tank and to keep the fishes healthy and alive by the uncle in the shop.

So, I rushed home and did what I've been told. In less than an hour, the fishies got a new home. I was proud. Angel fish is really scared and shy, otherwise, I really think they are happier here than in the red pail.



And I got back up plan, just in case, if I don't want to keep any fishes after these 4 fishies return to their owner, I can sell my tank and all to a friend, second hand :P

Gone now, for good.

I asked for a favour from a friend. He gladly helped. I gave the permission. I wanted to do that. I thought I will be ok. It is the right thing to do.

But hell no.

In fact it seemed like a part of me has been ripped off my body. I felt a sharp pain in my heart. I felt a pang of emptiness. I felt I lost something precious and important. I was hit by a huge surge of sadness. I felt weak all over. My head is spinning. I am confused.

Out of sudden, my tears just fall, uncontrollaby.

I wanted to ask him to stop and return them all to me, just like before.

But it was too late. All gone. Erased.

Been saving a couple of the memories since April last year. They have been very precious to me, keeping me happy whenever I see them.

Now, I have nothing left.

I feel so sad.

But it is for the better.

It is a new life now.

I have been hanging on to a next-to-never for too long.

An evening into my mind

Last evening I had time to wonder and ponder about my life. The life that I have put on hold a while back to wallow in the sea of my own miseries, self beating and victimisation.

Now that the dark clouds are slowly clearing up and me braving one day at a time, I am much better emotionally. Sad to say, I am still falling once in a while, into false hopes and dreams. In some ways I am pretty screwed up still but so far better than the emotional abyss I was drowning in previously.

I sat in on a bench, facing a mini man made rainforest garden with water fall where the leaves and the soil were wet and glistening due to the pouring rain. The scenery was beautiful and calming yet inside me, I felt something's missing and there is a slow turmoil stiring inside my mind.

I think about why I allow myself to keep falling and keep believing...

I wonder what I want in order for me to feel complete again...

I ponder why I am hanging on to an en empty hope for the longest time when the hurtful truth is so obviously clear...

I analyse why I keep running away and not wanting to face what that was long gone...


As think, wonder, ponder and analysis, I felt that I am so pathetic and so very stupid. I hate myself for feeling like this. I despise myself for being so weak.

I know I gotta do something about this. The reality is shows that what I have been dreaming of is nothing and next to never. But I just don't have the strength. I keep falling back to where I was each time I am struck by pain.

I have to move on. I have to stop hanging on. I don't know how, but I have to know how or it will be the death of my soul.

Last evening, I sat by the rainforest garden and cried for a long time, drowning my sorrow along with the falling rain and accompanied by the greying and slowly darkening sky.

Full Moon and Sunrise

A good friend of mine sent me these two beautiful photos taken from her home. Thanks so much, Ari :)

Well, nice things must be shared... so enjoy, ya...

A full moon in August 05

Sunrise over our Istana Negara early this morning.

These photos have some certain mood attached to them, can you feel them?

Photos by Arizona. (C) 2005 - 2006

Wave your wand

You can so easily make me happy.

You have no idea, do you?

It sure seems like you have a magic wand. Just wave it and I'll be happy.

But you won't wave it. Not for me :(

2005

It is already 19 days into 2006.

So, I am gonna have a Grammy-award-like speech or prolly some kind of thanksgiving for year 2005 sorta post for my blog. This kinda of blog is usually very dangerous because I might forget to mention or credit someone that I should have. So, please excuse me, ok. I will try to append to this post when I remember. Here I go...

I am forever grateful and very touched by the love and care shown by my mom, dad, bro, sis in law, sis, cousin AG and Nico during my terrible downtime. You all have been for there for me like a huge solid fort when I was weak and like a big soft mattress each time I fell. I love you all so very much although I don't know how to express myself well.

Thank you Miki-C for introducing me to scuba diving. I would not have done it if you did not encourage me. Wish we could dive together more often, along with Bobo and her mister.

I am glad that my schooldays' best friend, C, contacted me after we had lost contact for so many years. It was really nice to meet you again and I hope we can see each other more often from hereon. You were my best friend, and will always be. And yes, you still look the same like how I remembered you, only prettier! *hugs*

It is very refreshing and fun to hang out with friends from the Alloexpat forum every Wednesday. I tried to be there, but somehow, sometimes, I had to be somewhere else. Thank goodness Arizona started the Wednesday meet ups and Dr Andy to carry on the tradition. Arizona, Peacey, Jade, Kaiserin and RJ - you are my favourite!

Cher mon Professeur Serge, bien que je suis toujours muet comme une carpe mais j'adore ton cours parce qu'ils sont tres amusant. Tu peux me rigoler tout le temps. J'espere je peux continuer mon cours prochain avec toi.

Work has been boring and slow everyday but thank goodness for wonderful colleagues who are great to work with and fun to be with. I am grateful that you gals/guys have been there for me when I was going through bumps and potholes. To my lunch buddies, I sure do enjoy the one hour break (or more) with you gals.

Friends whom I always cherish and love. Gosh, I wonder what I'll be without your friendship. Cherub, Metria, Chinoz, Bobo, Miki-C, Sweet Almond, Jessie and Julie - good friends forever! Love ya heaps!

CP, you know we are from very old-fashioned family but I want to let you know that I love you very much. You are so dear to me!

Getting to know D was a gift from Heaven and eversince then, I have had wonderful moments all the time. Thank you for your friendship, care and pamperings. You made me smile and happy when all I knew was despair. I know I whine and moan sometimes, sorry for that but thank you for listening to me ever so patiently and at times, agreeing with me. And that* was simply amazing, I hope you feel the same too.

Despite what happened betwen us, B, you will always have that special place in my heart. I love you.

And to Our Heavenly Father, thank you for Your continous blessings and grace to me, my family, friends and colleagues. Please stop testing and challenging me but give me strength and wisdom to carry on. In Jesus most precious name, I thank you and pray.

Just what I needed now...

... a song like this
for a simple know...
... that there will be someone there
always...


Hand Me Down
by Matchbox Twenty

Someday they’ll find your small town world on a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk when they’re talking to you
Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth
They’ll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say
They’re gonna break your heart, yeah

From what I’ve seen
You’re just a one more hand me down
Cause no one’s tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Somebody ought to take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they’re under your skin
Never once did think they’d lie when they’re holding you
You wonder why they haven’t called
When they said they’d call you
You start to wonder if you’re ever gonna make it by
You’ll start to think you were born blind

From what I’ve seen
You’re just a one more hand me down
Cause no one’s tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

I’m here for the hard times
The straight to your heart times
Whenever it ain’t easy
You can stand up against me
And maybe rely on me
And cry on me, yeah
Oh no, no, no

Some day they’ll open up your world
Shake it down on a drawing board
Do their best to change you
They still can’t erase you

From what I’ve seen
You’re just a one more hand me down
Cause no one’s tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Lay them down on me
Oh yeah
You’re just one more hand me down
And all those nots don’t give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down...on me

Scripture Reading

During my late uncle's last service of his funeral, the Pastor read the scripture below. I am not going to explain why Matthew 20:1-16 was read.

But what I am going to blog is that right after the service and the cremation process, we went back to my late uncle's home to be with his family.

What happened next was a very nice coincidence.

My other uncle from Klang was searching for this scripture read by the Pastor in my late uncle's personal bible. He remembered Matthew but unsure which chapter. I helped him and we tried chapter 20, then 15 and then 25. Finally, I decided to search the entire book of Matthew and found the scripture at chapter 20.

We noticed that my late uncle bookmarked that page of that bible with the attached red ribbon. Isn't this nice? Wonders of God never fail to amaze us at all times.

*** *** ***

Matthew 20

The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard

1 “For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard.
2 Now when he had agreed with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard.
3 And he went out about the third hour and saw others standing idle in the marketplace,
4 and said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right I will give you.’ So they went.
5 Again he went out about the sixth and the ninth hour, and did likewise.
6 And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing idle, and said to them, ‘Why have you been standing here idle all day?’
7 They said to him, ‘Because no one hired us.’ He said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right you will receive.’
8 “So when evening had come, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, ‘Call the laborers and give them their wages, beginning with the last to the first.’
9 And when those came who were hired about the eleventh hour, they each received a denarius.
10 But when the first came, they supposed that they would receive more; and they likewise received each a denarius.
11 And when they had received it, they complained against the landowner,
12 saying, ‘These last men have worked only one hour, and you made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the heat of the day.’
13 But he answered one of them and said, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? 14 Take what is yours and go your way. I wish to give to this last man the same as to you.
15 Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?’
16 So the last will be first, and the first last. For many are called, but few chosen.

An eulogy

I am in Singapore attending my uncle's wake and funeral. He is the husband of my mom's sister. He has passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on Friday nite. On a positive note, he did not suffer at all and it was very quick and easy passing. For that, I think it was a blessing. He must be a good man not to be tortured by painful death or sickness.

I don't think it is anything co-incidental but it was Friday the 13th.

It was a peaceful wake today, with a steady stream of guests comprising of friends, colleagues, relatives of my auntie and cousins. We, whom hail from Malaysia barely know anyone but we helped to serve the guests and clean ups, which is better than sitting around doing nothing. Being a Christian helps making my deceased uncle's last rites totally simple, clean and uncomplicated, as compared to a typical Chinese funeral process.

My deceased uncle's church organised a prayer service in the evening. It was a service to pay him a last respect, to worship and be with the Lord. Hymms are sung, prayers are said and sermons was given.

Then came the eulogy part by a nephew, his sister and his daughter.

The eulogy by his daughter whom obviously is my cousin, was not eloquent. The words were unplanned or written beforehand. One would consider it as a very bad speech if it was a marketing or sales presentation. But all that did not matter at all. It was touching and moving. The insurmountable love she has for her father can be felt.

My cousin was speaking directly from her heart, expressing herself between tears and overwhelming sense of loss, on how great her father was as a father, husband and family to herself, her bro and her mom. I do not have good regards for him due to some usual family problems which should all be forgotten and forgiven since yesterday. But I know very well and totally convinced that he has been a great father. He has done so much for his family.

As my cousin spoke, many was tearing and some holding their tears. Some don't understand English but could felt what she was feeling anyway.

I was so sad listening to her. I felt her pain and her loss. I could sense that she loves her father so much yet there is a hint of pent up anger which has become bearable for a long long time due to uncontrollable circumtances. There is also a sense of being comfortable and taking her father's presence and love for granted that when he is gone to be with the Lord so suddenly, how do one express the depth of love and appreciation for one's father now?

I grew sadder and wanted to cry but I can't and I won't cry. I could only imagine how would I feel if I am in her shoe and it was one of my parents lying still there. Touch wood! God forbid!

By just thinking of it really made me so sad and I got scared. Then I try to think if it is one of my other uncles. Yes, I would still be sad. It is such sad and scary thoughts. That alone made me tear but I held on. I promised myself not to cry easily anymore. I wonder if I could give a eulogy, I guess not. I would not be able to express my love for my parents in public.

Till now, the thoughts linger on, initiating me to blog and frankly, I am still petrified. I wish that my parents and everyone I love or matters to me could outlive me. I know it is impossible and selfish of me.

Well, finally to my cousin, my deepest condolences to you and Ah Bu and your bro. I am sure uncle is with the Lord now, among the saints and angels in His kingdom. Please be strong and keep uncle in your fondest memories. May the Lord now keeps you and Ah Bu and your bro in his blessing and may the Holy Spirit be there to guide and protect you and Ah Bu and your bro in times of difficulties.

I know you will never call me but if you need a friend, you know I am here.

krazie*angel prays to the Lord, our God to protect and keep my parents and immediate family members in his blessings all the time

The last one hour

In the nature of my job, one will find that every last working hour is the longest to come and to be completed. Like now. I have another non-precious 45 mins to pass.

When I am bored, I will want to seek new things to explore especially on the Internet just to keep me sane and occupied. Or least keep my brains working. Today is not one of those enthusiastic days.

Right now, I want to get a haircut as my fringe is long and bothering my eyes. I want to go home and lie down on my bed, even for a short 30 mins. I want to get a pedicure as the nail polish has chipped off. I want to curl up and cuddle next to someone. I want to watch my tv series, which I have stopped watching for 2 weeks now. I want to call someone and talk silly things.

Seriously, I need to do some grocery shopping as I am running out a lot of stuff at home.

The clock is ticking really slowly, although I know surely it will reach 5 pm, but meanwhile, I am just waiting and doing my mundane uninteresting job.

krazie*angel all ready to dash to the door...

Tagged by Allyfeel on 5 of ...

Yes, I have been a pig...the lazy one. I sure hope Allyfeel meant I am lazy by calling me a pig. I am also born in the year of pig. Well, this is the first time someone tagged me, so I better response.


The Rules: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom spot.

1. The Life of An Independent Babe
2. My All
3. All About Zara/ Mom2ashley
4. Allyfeel
5. Krazie*Angel Rambles

Then you select five people to pass the love on to. Here's my selection:
1. Stargazer - A Girl's Thought
2. Chinoz ( no url link to her blog coz it is confidential that even I'm not privy to it at all)
3. Ghostwriter's Haven
4. Delphinus/Kaiserin
5. What Was In My Mind (WWIMM???!!!)

I tried to be as honest as possible ;)

1. What were you doing ten years ago?
Ten years ago, that would be Jan 1996. I was working with a small E-Learning Multimedia company. It was my second job after I have graduated. I was driving a small red Kancil and was using a huge brick mobile phone. I was also studying my 1st year of LLB in Brickfields College. I was dating my then only boyfriend, whom is an ex now. I went home to Melaka almost every weekend to visit my grandma and father.

2. What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was working in the same company, feeling bored and useless. Last year this time, I was mostly depressed all the time. Sad but true.

3. Five super fatty and high cholesterol snacks you enjoy:
1. Chocolate Chips (Famous Amos/Subway)
2. McD Strawberry Sundae
3. Satay
4. Char Koey Teow
5. Nasi Lemak

4. Five songs to which you know all the lyrics off your head right now:
1. Happy Birthday (at least 3 versions - English/Mandarin/Zoo)
2. When You Say Nothing At All
3. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
4. Mary Had A Little Lamb
5. Row Row Your Boat

5. Five things you would do if you were a millionaire (a millionaire doesn't mean having only 1 mil..but millions...)
1. Buy a beach home by one of the Greek Isles and a vineyard in Spain
2. Build hospitals in 3rd world countries
3. Stop working and learn to play tennis really well
4. Spa anytime I want
5. Make sure my immediate families members live comfortably

6. Five bad habits:
1. Cleaning up and wiping tables during meals
2. Opening the fridge for no reason (esp at other people's home)
3. Opening other people's car glove compartments for no reason
4. Leaving my mouth wide open when I am engrossed in something
5. Squeeze my pimples

7. Five things you like doing:
1. Watching TV series/Movies
2. Diving (mostly because I love the sea, beach and island)
3. Laze around and do nothing
4. Pampering myself with Spa treatment/manicure/pedicure
5. Pampering/Cuddling/Canoodling with my someone special

8. Five things you would never wear, buy, or get new again:
1. Soft Toys
2. Tight mini skirt
3. Pastel purple coloured pants
4. Sunglasses
5. French Grammar Books

9. Five favorite toys:
1. iBook
2. My DVD Player
3. My TV
4. Pictionary
5. My MP3 Player
(They are not exactly toys but I love what they can do for me. I don't have dildo, if not that might be one of the toys...just kidding!)

Nah...that's me...