An eulogy

I am in Singapore attending my uncle's wake and funeral. He is the husband of my mom's sister. He has passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on Friday nite. On a positive note, he did not suffer at all and it was very quick and easy passing. For that, I think it was a blessing. He must be a good man not to be tortured by painful death or sickness.

I don't think it is anything co-incidental but it was Friday the 13th.

It was a peaceful wake today, with a steady stream of guests comprising of friends, colleagues, relatives of my auntie and cousins. We, whom hail from Malaysia barely know anyone but we helped to serve the guests and clean ups, which is better than sitting around doing nothing. Being a Christian helps making my deceased uncle's last rites totally simple, clean and uncomplicated, as compared to a typical Chinese funeral process.

My deceased uncle's church organised a prayer service in the evening. It was a service to pay him a last respect, to worship and be with the Lord. Hymms are sung, prayers are said and sermons was given.

Then came the eulogy part by a nephew, his sister and his daughter.

The eulogy by his daughter whom obviously is my cousin, was not eloquent. The words were unplanned or written beforehand. One would consider it as a very bad speech if it was a marketing or sales presentation. But all that did not matter at all. It was touching and moving. The insurmountable love she has for her father can be felt.

My cousin was speaking directly from her heart, expressing herself between tears and overwhelming sense of loss, on how great her father was as a father, husband and family to herself, her bro and her mom. I do not have good regards for him due to some usual family problems which should all be forgotten and forgiven since yesterday. But I know very well and totally convinced that he has been a great father. He has done so much for his family.

As my cousin spoke, many was tearing and some holding their tears. Some don't understand English but could felt what she was feeling anyway.

I was so sad listening to her. I felt her pain and her loss. I could sense that she loves her father so much yet there is a hint of pent up anger which has become bearable for a long long time due to uncontrollable circumtances. There is also a sense of being comfortable and taking her father's presence and love for granted that when he is gone to be with the Lord so suddenly, how do one express the depth of love and appreciation for one's father now?

I grew sadder and wanted to cry but I can't and I won't cry. I could only imagine how would I feel if I am in her shoe and it was one of my parents lying still there. Touch wood! God forbid!

By just thinking of it really made me so sad and I got scared. Then I try to think if it is one of my other uncles. Yes, I would still be sad. It is such sad and scary thoughts. That alone made me tear but I held on. I promised myself not to cry easily anymore. I wonder if I could give a eulogy, I guess not. I would not be able to express my love for my parents in public.

Till now, the thoughts linger on, initiating me to blog and frankly, I am still petrified. I wish that my parents and everyone I love or matters to me could outlive me. I know it is impossible and selfish of me.

Well, finally to my cousin, my deepest condolences to you and Ah Bu and your bro. I am sure uncle is with the Lord now, among the saints and angels in His kingdom. Please be strong and keep uncle in your fondest memories. May the Lord now keeps you and Ah Bu and your bro in his blessing and may the Holy Spirit be there to guide and protect you and Ah Bu and your bro in times of difficulties.

I know you will never call me but if you need a friend, you know I am here.

krazie*angel prays to the Lord, our God to protect and keep my parents and immediate family members in his blessings all the time