Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Surge of Idleness attacked me today

Idling can make your mind blunt. Dull. Bland.

Inside me, I am feeling I wanna run away from here, to somewhere exotic and foreign to me, or to do something dangerous, where my mind can be sharp, where my soul can be free and where I can be challenged.

In the ho hum of dullness, it is actually piercingly painful in the stomach. I kinda have anxiety attack when I think how stuck I am in this dullness.

No matter how many podcasts I listened to, from travels, to comedy, even latest hits music podcast and learning French via podcast, I am still bored.

I aimlessly surf the net, punching meaningless keywords for the sake of seeing a new webpage being loaded.

I read blogs, but not everyone is free to blog all the time. Same posts, the day before, yesterday, this morning, this afternoon, just now and now.

Online friends on messenger are either marked Away or Busy or Idle. Thank goodness for the little chats here and there.

Linkin Park, Tiesto, Matchbox Twenty, French chanteurs, Katie Melua, jazzy Sergio Mendes and what not mp3s in my iTunes barely able to erase the blandness.

I actually feel like a barren land. A plain where rain has not fallen in months, and, plants are yellowing and dying, and the animals are slowing leaving.

Bear with me. I apologise for whining. I am so darn bored. You have no idea how it feels.

1 comment:

Pauline said...

same here.. feeling any better? have done anything challenging or been somewhere where it is not all so perfect?? I'm stuck too for a while... hate it... but try to fight by doing things that i love.. dancing,singing.. learning french too!!