Christmas long weekend

If given any other weekend, I very much welcome a long one where I can laze around in my bed or sofa, sleeping in till really late, watching dvds or binge on my tv series.

But this weekend, I am feeling very melancholic and bored. I wish I was out there in action, partying or among friends or whatever instead of staying home.

Anyway, these are what I did...I cleaned the house, changed the sheets, changed the shower curtain, did the laundry, spamed my friends with sms Christmas greeting, attended Sunday service at church and watched 6 hours of Lost. And yes, I finally sent my car to wash after more than 2 months and just before it rained cats and dogs.

Despite the fact that I am bored, I turned down one dinner (for the goodness sake of everyone else), three lunches (I didn't have enough time to rush to any of them coz sunday service ended late, plus there are three lunches and only one of me) and another dinner (it was raining and I was lazy).

krazie*angel has another day off tomorrow...*scratch head* on what to do to kill time

I want! I want!

Since it is Christmas, we always wish to get pressies..

These are some of the things that I can live without or don't need at all, but sure wish I can have them...







I also wish to have a proper and good digital camera...

So many wants, so little money...Sigh! C'est la vie!

krazie*angel dowan the girl in the pictures but the blouse on the girl

Lost heart

Over a dinner, a friend, name shall be disclosed, who has recently found her love of her life, told me that she has lost her heart and wanted it back.

In Love: Krazie, I want my heart back. It is scary to lose my heart.
Krazie: Why?
In Love: This is the first time I am feeling like this. I have lost my heart and I want it back.
Krazie: In Love, you did not lose your heart. You have given it away.
In Love: Given away?
Krazie: Yup, you've given your heart away to him. You did not lose it. You fell in love and gave your heart away to him.
In Love: I want it back.
Krazie: Trust me, In Love, you don't want it back. If you get back your heart the next time, it will be either broken or dented.
In Love: Huh?
Krazie: Look, you've given your heart away. When it is return to you, it will never be the same heart when you first gave away, it will be at least scratch, bruised, if not smashed into million pieces, even if you are the one asked for it back.
In Love: How then?
Krazie: Let him keep the heart. It is safer there. You should just asked for his heart instead.


P/S: It is not verbatim but the gist of the story is still intact.

krazie*angel believe that after each broken heart, they will only grow bigger and stronger

About my exams

Exam's over and just like that, all of sudden, I felt so light and free.

Anyway, I wanna blog about it. It is nothing funny. Just for the record. It is boring.

The exam is divided into 2 parts. Part 1 - Oral and Part 2 - Written. Part 1 alone is 50% of the total points and obviously, the other 50% go to Part 2, which has 6 other sub sections to test on grammar, conjugation and composition.

Now in Part 1, the oral bit, we are asked to pick randomly one news article. We are given 15 mins to read it and then another 15 mins to explain, discuss and tell the examiners our opinion. I chose my article.

The article I got was about the extinction of the primates. Expert has estimated that all the gorillas, chimpanzees and monkeys will be gone by year 2030 due to the diminishing forests, hunters and poachers. I had problem understanding and reading the article, let alone to discuss and give opinions about it, all in the F language.

Well, I don't have much choice but to just blab anything that came into my mind. With lotsa ah and err...15 mins passed. I don't understand one of the questions the examiner asked. I could have won if its not an oral exam but a competition on how many ahs and errs one can say in 15 mins. Frankly, I was so glad and relieved when the examiners changed topic and discuss bout diving and fishes. And even more gladder when they asked me "Anything else? Any question?". Quickly, I said "No. Nothing."

In Part 2, I just left half hour earlier. I figured if you can't do much, just finished up whatever you can and get out of there and then enjoy yourself.

That's about it. Results out in this coming Wednesday. One term or one level is over.

krazie*angel always don't like the hours of exam to arrive yet wish it will be over soon

Dating=Interviews?

Read this somewhere...

"Sometimes dating can feel like one endless job interview, but without any days off."

Not true at all!

Getting a job interview is much faster, easier and not numerically challenged.

But to get a date itself is hard labour and seems like the date itself is facing extinction.

Is it true that dating are like job interviews? Which is easier? You tell me your verdit/opinion.

krazie*angel's quote of the day :- "A date is dd/mm/yyyy"

Exams blues or drama queen?

It is 18 hours to my exams and I have not even studied a tiny weeny bit. I am so lazy. I procastinate as well. Big time. I know I was suppose to study since I came home from work, but I did not. I blog, then I went shopping at the local Giant supermarket, then I eat my dinner, I watched another episode of House M.D. and now back to blogging.

I am beyond help.

The funny thing is that even if I fail or pass the exam, it really doesn't matter at all. Thus, perhaps the indifference. But I don't want to fail, it must be the kiasuism in me. Yet, I wanna skip tomorrow and not take the exam.

Facing an exam always stresses me out. I bet when I sleep tonite, I will dream of me sitting for exam. I am sure some of you had had dreams like that. In those dreams, we can be so late for the exam. Or simply can't write down the answers when we knew the answers so well. I hate exams. I totally despise them. I love going back to be a child if I can turn back the clock, but the only thing that is stopping me is exams!!! I can't imagine taking SRP, SPM and STPM all over again. They have different acronyms now. This show how "dated" I am.

Why do I even put myself in this unnecessary stress? I love to torture myself, that's why! I love to pump up those 'stress' hormones in me. I am just kidding. Of course, not.

What am I rambling again? BTW, I think my migraine is attacking me already. It is either the chocolate or the exams, or my mind is making it all up. I am a big drama queen this evening.

krazie*angel needs a miracle, don't we all?

What have I been up to?

If you wonder what had happened to me and why the hiatus...well, I am still here, fine and dandy...maybe not, but not in a bad shape where I need help, but simply a good-kind-of-not-so-fine, or positively, I can just say it in the most commonly understood way... "ok lah" or "so-so lah"

If I had confused you in my first para, don't even try to make sense out of it, coz it isn't anything that matter at all. Err, I did say I rambled and can be full of non-sensical stuff inside the dull mind of mine.

I had wanted to blog, and I will think of all these great ideas or stuff to blog, for e.g. while I am driving, while I am shopping, while I am hanging out in class, while I am having my dinner, while I am bathing, while I am doing anything else except when I am in front of my notebook, staring at my own blog, I have nothing to blog. Just nothing. Or other things will distract me and I will forgot that I am suppose to blog.

For some strange reasons, unknown to myself, I do access this blog daily, maybe 2-3 times a day, like the medication prescription given by the GP of any clinic... hoping that it will miraculously updated by itself, or hoping to read a new entry, which of course, will never ever happen if I don't blog. It is a really strange habit.

I am sure by now, you are scratching your head or thinking that there is something wrong with me, after reading what I have written right until now. Actually, I am just trying to tell you how I am, what I have been doing, why I did not blog during my absence.

Most of my time had been tight up to watching tv series. Earlier I have been on a tv marathon on Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. Right after that, I have been watching 24 Season 4, which I completed. And now, I am on House M.D., which I must complete by this weekend, coz I am starting on either Lost or Battlestar Gallactica next. Yes I binge on tv series and I am glutton when it comes to them.

Right now, I am suppose to be studying for my F language exam but I got distracted. I rather blog than study. And I am eating a black forest cake with 2 chocolate sticks. I hope I won't get migraine from them.

krazie*angel is so easily distracted...focus, stay focus now...!

Pain last nite and pain today.

I was in pain. I am in pain. Two different pains at two different time.

Last nite, around midnite, I had this sharp pain beneath my lowest right rib. It started of with some light pain and then it became unbearable. I tried to change sleeping positions (even sitting and standing) to ease the pain, but of no help. I drank warm honey and found out it was filled with dead ants after I drank half of the glass. The honey must be a tomb for unfortunate those ant scavengers.

I was not able to sleep at all. The pain was there up to 4 am and I was so sleepy. As the last resort, I prayed to God to remove the pain. Voila! It went away. Believe it or not! I finally fell asleep and dreamt about travelling to Bali which oddly looks like some quaint chinatown, eating the best Hokkien Mee and some beauty contest.

Then this morning, I woke up with aches on both my shoulder and arms. It is still here at this very moment. Feel like I have been carrying some weights or did some heavy arm exercise. Did I carry anything heavy? Nah, I don't think so.

I wonder if drinking ants caused muscle and joints to ache? Just a remotely impossible thought. I am getting old, at least physically. Yikes!

krazie*angel needs KOYOK (those heat plaster, err, know what they are?)

Transporter 2

I have just watched Transporter 2. It was quite crappy.

Well, I like John Statham. And I like Transporter 1. But the sequel is a bit way too much to endure. Some of the actions are just illogical and hard to digest.

I am going to watch Doom. Heard it is another load of crap. Will save it for a nite where I need to be humoured.

Heck, I got these two movies free. Thank goodness, I am not paying to watch them in the cinema or DVD.

krazie*angel gotta watch these movies for the sake of watching. Kiasu!

Glued to screen

I am having a withdrawal symptom from those addictive tv series. Either that, I am addicted to movies and tv series. I am unsure which is which.

Over the weekend, I was on house arrest on voluntary basis. Actually, I was not able to move away from my notebook. I was glued to it and can't stop watching Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy.

The last 3 episodes of Desperate Housewives Season 1.
8 episodes of Desperate Housewives of Desperate Housewives Season 2.
The last 2 episodes of Grey's Anatomy Season 1.
7 episodes of Grey's Anatomy Season 2.

On top of that, I watched Mr & Mrs Smith on DVD on Saturday nite.

And this morning, I was asking my boss to pass me his DVDs for the tv series, House Season 1.
Then, in the afternoon, I was talking to Miki-C about other tv series. Now I am looking forward to watch Surface.
Later, spoke to CK and he is suppose to pass me Lost Season 1. And I can't wait.
A friend recommended Firefly. Checked the Internet and found that it is rather interesting.

They are like drugs! I am so hooked.

And tonite, I am watching another movie at Mid Valley. My only consolation is that watching movie, I am out of my house or more specifically, my room and I have people, real people around me. And I get to munch on those caramel popcorns.

Is these tv/movie watching a form of escapism for me? Am I trying to shift my actual state of mind to the make believe world in tv and movies?

Or am I obsessive? Or simply am lonely? Or just a bored girl with nothing else better to do?

Who the heck cares? I do enjoy these tv series from Tinseltown very much.

krazie*angel needs to get her eyes checked *blink* *blink*

Free lunch @ work

Boss ordered all of us to close the office for lunch today. He is taking us for a nice Indian Banana Leaf Rice. Yay! Free makan! And most importantly, I can get out from my office as I was getting really bored.

All of us went except for Allyfeel who had an earlier lunch date and my colleague who is fasting today. Well, it is a blessing in disguise because my colleague was able to help us to man the fort while we were out for our unofficial office lunch.

I must say the food was super yummy especially the fish cutlet and fried bittergourd. I wanted to eat the sambal udang but my boss said, "Don't take", so cannot. I ate so much that I felt so drowsy right after.

I was too drowsy to be alert, therefore, I don't really remember how to get there or know where it is exactly. But I got the name card of the restaurant.

krazie*angel burp and slowly fade into zzZZzzZZzzZZzz

I'm a Horoscope fan now

My latest favourite activity online is reading horoscope. It is fun and entertaining.

I am not sure if they are accurate but it is interesting to read and try to see if they are true based on what happened to me daily. So far, I find some of what they predicted was true. Co-incidence, perhaps. Or just because based on what I have read, I try to connect all the dots up.

I noticed that the predictions can be quite general or vague, so it is up to your very own intepretations.

Besides checking my email, reading blogs and logging into my IMs (which most time, I barely speak to anyone, only for some chat quickies with friends) when online, now I have another new thing to do...that is to check my hororscope.

krazie*angel is confirmed being too free :)

Pyscho Thrillers : My Fav

I am a fan of pyscho-thriller movies. Those twisted schizophrenic personalities just make your ordinary mind seem way too simple. Movies like these made you think, kinda "Mind-F**k" (Please excuse my language, those who know me, know that I don't use this particular word in my daily vocabulary, except in privacy *ahem*)

This, you have to remember when watching a pyscho thriller - you have to take note of every single objects, conversations and personalities in the movie...they are usually interconnected and they are clues. Be observant.

I watched "The Machinist" in GSC two nights ago. It was a movie with dark setting, like Gotham City of Batman and the lead actor was Christian Bale, who was also Batman himself in Batman returns. To find out more about the movie, click here and here

Got a friend to go watch the movie with me, after a little persuasion and assurance that it will be a great movie. Otherwise, he can blame me all for dragging him to watch a bad movie. Well, I must admit that the movie title "The Machinist" does sound a bit like a B grade movie, but honestly, it is worth a watch. Christian Bale put up a good performance and he actually lost 63 lbs for this movie. Yes, he did. Wonder why? Go watch the movie. And he has to build his body up again for Batman! Imagine that.

As I watching the movie, I could roughly guess what the lead character, Trevor Reznik, was thinking and going through. I think I watched too much physcho thrillers to identify one. Or maybe, I have little streaks of schizoprenia in me. Bwahahaha!

Other nice pyscho thrillers that I like are Fight Club, Identity and Momento. If you know any other good ones, let me know.

krazie*angel thinks all Superheros are schizophrenics with awareness of their other selves

2 kgs extra.

I know I am skinny.

Thanks for everyone's comment - "You are a stick girl. You are like a boy. You look haggard. You need to eat more. You look sick. Are you on drugs?"

I ate more these days. And I am pleased to inform you that I have gained 2 kilos. I just weighed myself. 47kgs. Oh well, I am still 5kgs behind my ideal weight.

I checked my tummy - looks ok still, I hope. I don't mind gaining weight or extra meat everywhere else except my tummy. I want, I desire, I must maintain a flat tummy.

krazie*angel's Be Thin Plan is available for free for all

This post is dedicated to blogger Stargazer

I had a comment from Stargazer, someone I doubt I know in person, but I do visit her blog regularly eversince she post a comment on this blog of mine.

Just wanna dedicate this post to her. This is for you, Stargazer, the blogger of "A Girl's Thought"

I saw a Stargazer, a fish, during my last diving trip during a nite dive. It was hiding beneath the sand, very secretively with its eyes wide open. Here are the photo of the Stargazer the fish for blogger Stargazer. Enjoy...





krazie*angel wonders why it (the fish) is called Stargazer...

My insignificant career

I am beginning to query myself lately. Especially about my work. What I do for a living. Is it successful or significant?

Most of my friends are busy with their work. They seem to be very purposeful in their life. They are career minded and driven. It is as if their companies will close down or their customers will run away if they are not at work. It is like as if they matter in their work. Their eyes twinkle when they speak of their work. Their spirit is high when they explained what they do day by day. They sound really solid and authoritative when they speak to their colleagues or customers.

For e.g. Chinoz is super duper busy with her new work. Doing a real huge project in Kuala Trengganu at the moment - Moonsoon Cup Trengganu 2005. Big event!

So is Cherub with her ever growing business in Sarawak and here in KL. Good for her but she is already buried deep inside her work. Hope that does not take a toil on her health.

The thought of sending them a quick hello sms or a phone to call to chit chat seems like too trivia. What more a dinner date? I know they'll appreciate it but I do not want to interfere in their busy schedules. These really make me realise that I have too much time to kill despite the activities I have put in place to occupy my time.

I wonder if I could hop back to the rat race. I think with a lot of effort, I could but just thinking of it, I am feeling really lazy. Gosh, what had happened to me? Have I turned into someone who is too complacent and too comfortable to move my lazy ass out of my comfy couch? I think in a way, I am.

The image of me in my previous job is so faint and distant in my memory. It feels like it wasn't me at all. Where did she go hiding, huh?

Someone told me that I should just enjoy the simplicity of my life where there is no stress and no problems. And that I should be happy with what I have and am earning. There are many people out there who are far worse than me and are without job. They are right too. But... sigh. We are never satisfy with what we have. Always a but.

krazie*angel gonna kill time by watching more DVDs :P

Feeling like Crap

I am feeling like crap. Still down with cough. It is so irritating especially when I am talking coz I will be coughing every now and then.

Now I even have nose block and running nose occasionally. Darn!

I have tried cough mixtures, ayurvedic medication and chinese medication. Probably too many different mix of medications is making me feeling worse.

krazie*angel going home early to rest

Love

No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.

No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.

And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.


krazie*angel always baffled by the mysteries of love

Paradise

I am glad I went away.

I cried in the airport before I left. I wanted to turn back. I went with a heavy heart.

I am glad I did not change my mind.

Went to paradise. Met a bunch of good people. Met an angel.

For the first time, I did not cry for 5 straight days. Isn't that great?

krazie*angel is smiling too

No mood to blog

Lately I have no mood to blog. I can't seem to be able to write anything.

I have so much inside me to tell, they seems burtsting out of the seams, but I can put them in words. As much as I need to take away the ramblings in my mind, but I just can't find the right words and the right time to express them.

I am going insane, berserk inside while my heart is breaking into million pieces every single time, in pain.

This blog will probably be silent for a while. I will be away. Away from this insanity and the pain I am feeling inside. It is escapism, but I really dunno any other way to help myself. I am just facing one day at a time.

I still owe many of you my mom's self-create "Thai Pineapple Fried Rice". I will post it here when I come around it.

For my friends that have been there for me, I really am grateful. And my family, I have made them worry sick about me, for that I am so sorry. I love you all so much.

krazie*angel is crazy at the moment

Express Cut - Dare you to try!

I had a RM12 hair cut at Express Cut - one of those hair salon derived from the fast food chain concept. I swear my heart was beating like a drum calling for the rain when the lady happily snipping my hair away. I felt like a child whose mother has dragged for the cheapest and quickest hair cut.

When it was all done, I thought I look horrible. So crude. But my friend, Sweet Almond thought it was good. I dunno, I still think it is shit.

What gave me the guts to tried that?! I dunno. Darn.

I regret. Too late now.

krazie*angel can't wait for her hair to grow again

Cancer

Tuesday morning, Allyfeel received a news that her friend has just passed away suddenly due to a brain tumor at the age of 33.

Thursday morning, Datin Sri Endon, our PM's wife passed away due to breast cancer.

Two of Cherub's friends are also dying (waiting) due to cancer too.

I am sure if we ask around, someone will know someone who has just recently died due to cancer or other illness or accident. Even someone who know someone who is bracing through a terminal illness.

It seems that life is so fragile and death can threatened anyone. Frankly, morbid/crazy or not, I don't mind dying on their behalf. I might suffer and in pain, that I am a bit scared, but everything comes with a price.

Death that is sudden and fast is the best way to die. I hope I'll die that way. Quick, easy and trouble no one.

krazie*angel - Life is temporary but death is permanent

Gathering of the Insomniacs?

What does one do when the everyone he/she know is sleeping away? It is past 3.30am now. Well, all normal people should be snoring away in slumberland. Except me!

I have been awake all night long. Can't sleep. @#$%!&^*!@!

Not only tonite, but most nites. I could have looked younger or have nicer skin if I sleep. I wish :P

I don't feel like watching TV either. Or read. Or surf.

I wish there is a hangout place when everyone who is insomniac can gather around, do something together. I dunno what we can do. Maybe play board games, or simply lying around and complain why we can't sleep.

How many insomniacs are counting the hours or sheeps at this moment? I know I am one of them.

Well, I am going to lie down on my bed with my eyes closed and pretending I am asleep. Even if my mind is awake, I still have to rest this body for tomorrow.

krazie*angel wished for a shopping mall that runs from 12 am - 6 am daily

My car is ill.

No car for me today. I had to take a cab to work from the car workshop. In a way, I feel handicapped. My car had a problem...well, not that I understood, the mechanic said that my throttle body is spoilt. He actually said, total body, but I think it is throttle body. But I don't know for sure. Anyway, my car has reached the duration where most parts need to be changed.

Last evening, I noticed that my car went vroom, vroom, vroom when I am on neutral or parking gear. I thought something must have pressed on the petrol pedal, perhaps my car carpet. But no, nothing. The RPM went up and down as the car vrooming away. It was weird, my first time facing this problem. Not sure what to do, I called and smsed some friends for help, but no one seems to be free to pick up my calls. Those who picked up know nothing. I called the car workshop and no one pick up the call too.

Well, nothing much I can do, but drove home and hoping nothing will happen. The car jerked as I drove home. I was thankful that I reached home safely.

It is expensive to replace it, so I took the second hand/recond parts. What to do, I am broke. My car service is due too, so I decided to service it at the same time. Plus I have some parts that need to be replaced and serviced. Sigh! I need a lot of money for all these. Thank goodness for credit card.

The mechanic happily consoled me that I was not paying a lot for parts as my car is our good old national Wira. He said I could have paid a bomb if I am driving one of those nice Jappy car.

I had to pick up my car from the workshop after my work. Gotta hitch a ride with my colleague who stay near the workshop.

krazie*angel's next mission is to join AAM, just in case...

16 days to go...

If I have 16 more days to live, I would...

...

Troubled by troubles

Do I attract troubles or troubles attract me? All I know is that I am in trouble. My own problems aside, I have to deal with troubles of others. If I am not careful or if I am too kind, the troubles can be mine. I am so in trouble as it is, now more with troubles which are none of mine. Arrghh!

Is it my karma? Is it another test or challenge from God? Or just me being stupid as always? Or I am really that vulnerable?

I want to help and I want to say NO! If I help, I know it will not help at all, yet if I don't help, then it is really helpless.

Perhaps I am being used again, as always. If yes, I am again the stupidest person on this earth. I begin to believe that I am.

I wonder why I even care!? Sigh! Kindness always gets me in trouble. If only I have a heart of stone, uncompassionate and unmoveable. I wonder what I be then? Perhaps so, I am neither obliged to help nor troubled.

Now, if I am in trouble, I wonder if anyone will help me in return or they will walk away or tell me adverse advice when they dunno much.

Sometimes, I wish troubles will leave me alone and seek another prey or victim. I am not strong enough to handle troubles yet I am weak enough to be thrown with troubles.

Now, can you see the troubles I am into? Back to my earlier question - Do I attract troubles or trouble attract me?

krazie*angel gotta learn to say NO

Perfect description of my work

My friends : Hi krazie*angel. How are you?
krazie*angel : Hi. I am ok. You?
My friends : Good. How is your work?
krazie*angel : *scratch head* *cough* *cough* Err...

That question, well, I really dunno how to answer. Briefly, my kind of work is desk bound mostly and very easy and relaxing. It involves very little brainworks and decision making.

Today, I found a word that describe perfectly my work. Sinecure

sinecure
/sinikyoor, sin-/

• noun a position requiring little or no work but giving the holder status or financial benefit.

— ORIGIN from Latin sine cura ‘without care’.

(extracted from AskOxford.com)

Full of Grace

by Sarah McLachlan

The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home

I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low

Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this

Full of grace
My love

So it’s better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and did
Hurts us all the more

Its just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low

Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this

Full of grace
My love

krazie*angel found this song among her old MP3 - simply appropriate about what she is going through

For Chinoz on her special day!

To a very special friend of mine, Chinoz on her special day today. This is for her sealed with a hug!

Today is happy
It most certainly is
Shake a pop
And make it fizz

Fly a kite
Or take a nap
Slap a knee
And pat a back

Run or skip
Without a care
Or fly a plane
If you dare

Swim or skate
Take your pick
Hit a mailbox
With a stick

Fall or trip
Laugh or play
Do whatever
Its your Birthday


Happy Birthday, dear Chinoz. May all your dreams and wishes come true! I wish you all the very best always.

A Birthday Wish for Allyfeel

Dear Allyfeel,

We have been working together and are friends for a long time. I wanna take this special day, your special day, to wish you the most wonderful birthday today and tomorrow and the next day and the next month and the next year and many many years to come.

I also wanna thank you for your friendship all these while. It has been a pleasure to have a friend like you. Here is a cute poem for especially for you, Allyfeel.

Happy -0th Birthday
Happy Birthday, my dear friend
That zero on the end
Means nought to me
O, share your sunniest smiling face
And let me circle you around with my embrace.


Hugs,
Krazie*Angel

I am feeling bad and guilty

My emotions, well, you can call them depression/sadness are swinging rapidly in and out all the time and had worsened since the past 3 months. And it is affecting people around me, esp my mom, sis-in-law and sis.

This is my happier blog, supposedly, but I need an outlet to write about something that I am going do and I am feeling extremely bad and guilty about the entire day.

Mom has been staying with me, taking care of me and making sure that I am fine. She knew I am sad but I never told her anything. When I am with her, I try to smile and put up a brave front. It is so pressuring to pretend that I am happy when it is killing me inside. Sometimes, I failed and I just can't smile or talk to her. I just withdrew myself into my room, my sanctuary of my insanity.

I know my weird behaviour has affected her and she worries about me so much all the time. She could not have a good nite sleep when I am insomniac or went missing in the middle of the nite. She worries if I have eaten or not. She worries when I am withdrawn. She worries when I come home late.

I feel so so bad to cause her these worries. I really wish she doesn't know anything and think that I am well, so that she can be her happy self. Thus, I have decided to ask my sis-in-law to send her home again and made her promise not to mention anything that is going around my life, but lie to her that I am fine.

Now, my mom thinks that I am angry with her and she is so sad. But I just do not want her to worry and feel sad for me. I dunno how long I am going to be so depressed and it is really so wrong to burden her when I am already such an adult and she is already so old.

I do love my mom so much and I really appreciate her staying with me. In fact, I do need her by my side. I am so afraid to be alone. But I just can't see her sad and worried for me.

I am feeling so guilty and so bad for asking her away. I feel so useless that I let her down when she think so highly of me.

krazie*angel is so sorry, mom. Please forgive me, mom

I don't know lah

Why do people need to complain about my ex-boss cum ex-best friend to me? What should I say to them? Should I compliment him, justify his case or explain on his behalf.

I have no clarification of his action nor why he did not do his work the way they want him to. Like hell I know. I hardly even know him anymore.

They asked why he is like that or like this? Well, frankly I have no idea. How would I know? Sigh!

krazie*angel says "No comment" ;)

Darkness...

"The darkness is death - we can speak, but we are not heard. We can scream but they turn their backs. We can run, but we cannot catch them. It is the dream where arms and legs won't work they way they should, and the air is too thick to breathe. Loved ones walk a mile ahead, forgetting to stop as we fall behind. This is the reality of the darkness. We are buried alive inside ourselves. "

~ Dana-Christene Umanetz

Talk big

Should I be impressed or should I give the "oh-that's-normal" look when someone tell me...
... how much he had spent on his watch
... that his bicycle is RM5K
... that his new business deals involves profit of several million of dollars
... that he bought the latest technology dive gears
... how much money he has invested in his business
... the amount of handphone bills

and etc etc which got fuzzy to me after a while.

Who the heck care if you own a RM5K bicycle, you still need to peddle it. And realistically, how often do you think u ride the bicycle?

Well, besides materials, he also commented positively on himself. Perhaps I am too negative, but self praise is no praise.

Anyway, I gave the nonchalant look every single time.

I am nice not to tell him that he is braggy, but not that nice that I have to pretend to be wow-ed by the big talks. If I associate him to a particular race, which is generally labelled as braggy/talk big, then I can be so so racist. So, my mouth is zipped. Nope, he is not my boss, if that's what who you are thinking of.

krazie*angel gonna shout "SHOW ME THE MONEY" the next anyone brag

Deadly Chocolate

I am having migraine again. A real bad one. I feel like a one eye pirate now. Blardy chocolate. I just had one small slice yesterday. I couldn't resist it. How can it be so effective in triggering the migraine?

Those whom had tried to stop me from eating the chocolate yesterday, sorry guys, I should have listen to all of you. Please snatch any chocolate away from me and eat it right away if you see me with one in the future.

krazie*angel needs a good knocking on the head *doink*doink*

Broke already before this month even begin

It is the 1st of Oct today, and I am already broke. Salary came in and the money dries up like alcohol (not drinking alcohol, you drunkards!) in the open.

Paid my bills - Streamyx, Maxis, Telekom, Tenaga, Astro, Credit Card
Contribution to Kelab Kutu
Gave Mom (Arghh! I still owe papa)
Paid a hutang
Belanja my family at Pizza Uno (they always pay, so I pai seh lah)
Bought a crystal ball and bracelets (hoping to improve my life. better work coz it is not cheap)
Paid for my yoga class

I still need have these pending... chiat lat! *slap forehead*
- Pay Cherub
- Pay for my F language class - new term again
- Give papa
- Petrol (at least 5 x full tanks per month)

And I like a pair of shoes I saw in Vincci. It is a bit expensive. This have to wait or keep in cold storage for a while. Cannot buy anything that I don't need.

Ooops, so many birthdays this month - Bobo, Chinoz, Allyfeel and Metria.

Gosh, I don't seem to have enough money to eat this month. I guess "chap fan" all the way this month.

krazie*angel kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang

My blog

Blogging has been very therapeutic to me in many ways. It has helped me to keep myself occupied when I am idling around. It makes my mind spin a little when I am dulling away. It keeps me realise that I am still alive when I lose meanings in life. It keeps Internet exciting for me when I have nothing else to surf. It kept me company when I feel so lonely and empty. It makes all my insomniac nites bearable. It prevent me from driving around the city in the middle of the nite when I am down.

Through blogging I could express myself and record down things I would like to remember. This blog is where I write about the happier stuff in my life, the less grey sky of mine. Kinda like a junkyard where I store bits and pieces of my memories, thoughts, fantasies and happenings. I tried to be honest and open at all times. Please don't judge me when you know me too well from my posts.

Although writing is not something that I am good at nor enjoy, but blogging so far has done good for me.

I hope by blogging I am not offending anyone or seem like attacking anyone or putting anyone in any unfavourable position. If my blog is not your cup of tea, you are free to abandon it. If you like it, then you must welcome to torture yourself with my nonsense. If you agree with me, make my day and send me a comment to encourage me. If you disagree, make me see the other point of view by sending me your comment.

My previous infamous post had created some fire. For goodness or otherwise, I appreciate all the comments. I guess you commented coz you cared.

I hope I can continue to blog. I hope that blogging will remain something good and right to do.

If I have in anyway offended anyone in this blog, or any other blog I participated in, I would like to apologise. I have no intention whatsoever to cause hurt or anger or pain to anyone.

krazie*angel also KPC on other people's blog

More on me being THIN

I am in serious trouble. Just yesterday, 4 people told me that I am too thin again.

Person 1:
Cherub saw me for lunch and she was shocked. "krazie*angel, what happened to you? You're so thin, you look so haggard and old!", she claimed.


Person 2:
Boss saw me and shouted. (*pst* - he is always on the over reacting side) "AIYOH! YOU ARE SO THIN, IT IS SO DISGUSTING. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. YOU ARE SO THIN LIKE A SNAKE!", he shouted and prolly repeated the statement at least 3 times.

I just looked at him and smile sweetly. Like a snake! Me? What else you expect me to say to this man?


Person 3:
Papa: Eat more. You are too thin.
krazie*angel: (In Mandarin) Err, last time you said I was too fat and you asked me to eat less and exercise more. Now you said I am too thin.
Papa: (In Mandarin) Last time you are fat, but now you are too thin. Eat more.
krazie*angel: ....


Person 4:
V: You are too thin. If you on a bit of flesh, you'll look sexier.
krazie*angel: (point to a chubby girl) Fat like that arr?
V: That is too fat.
krazie*angel: Then you said I am too thin?
V: If you strip you naked and let you wear shorts, and cut your hair short, you will be mistaken as a skinny boy. Get the picture?
krazie*angel: Wah, really arr?

krazie*angel is not thin but slim lah

Atypical love story

Based on the script from the movie, Van Helsing, I concocted it a bit so that it can fit into a totally different plot and scene of atypical love movie.

B, the hero and J, the heroine fell madly in love. They have the most romantic and loving moments that could melt any heart. They both went through all kind of problems you could possibly think of. Break-ups, separation, secrecy, jealousy, anger, fights, battle of words, insanity, family's objection and sadness - they have braced and gone through all of them. These only made their love for each other stronger, so thought J. But B's love for J is dying slowly.

One sad day, B told J that he wanna end their relationship as he know that they are never meant to be together, so thought B.

Three months later, B had moved on and let go while J had foolishly hanging on and unwilling to let go, hoping that a miracle would happen to bring them back together again.

Briefly a few more months later, B is getting married to someone else he barely know, an arranged marriage. He is now looking forward to building a new life with his new wife. Soon they will have a new family. J cried every tears she had every night when she learnt the news. She died the day she learnt the news. Now J is an empty space.

One rainy day, with thunder and lightning, they met for the final time. This is what they spoke to each other.

B: For me this is all personal. It's all about family and honor. Why do you do it? What do you hope to get out of it?
J: Oh, I don't know. Maybe some self-realization.
B: And what have you got out of it so far?
J: Nightmares.

Papa and Mom

Papa loves to watch TV. CCTV and all the China related news, programmes and dramas. He loves debats and discussion type of programmes especially pertaining to China. Every other day, papa will ask me to log in to Magnum 4D, Sports Toto and PMP website to check for the results.

Mom sleeps early. She is more discipline. She tries to brisk walk every morning. She loves watching Chinese TV dramas and recently Korean dramas. She seems to wash anything that can be washed in my apartment.

Papa go out to eat lunch. Mom rather stay home coz it is too hot outside.

Papa don't mind spending money buying numbers but complaint that food in KL are expensive. Mom prefers to cook and eat lightly at home coz she claims outside food are not nutritious and unhygienic.

Mom makes or buy breakfast for papa and me. Papa eat what mom buy or made but never make breakfast for mom.

Mom and papa love to be clean. They clean every single thing in my apartment, every day.

Mom drinks lotsa water. Papa had to be forced to drink water. Both afraid of cold so they don't need air-cond when sleeping at nite. Neither of them need blankets too.

That's my papa and mom. Nice, very shy, simple and humble people.

All I need to know is that they love me and care for me and my siblings so much. I feel like I am 5 years old everyday.

krazie*angel wanna say this to papa and mom - I love you both very much!*hugz*

Awake

I am wide awake again on a boring lonely night where most people have already retreated to slumberland. What do you do in a nite like this? I can't watch TV or listen to music coz I dowan to wake my parents up. I can't go out coz they will be worried. I can't call anyone coz it is totally rude to call people up at this ungodly hour.

I am currently confined to my room, with my notebook and the Internet.

When I am online, I felt extremely connected and close with someone as I can see him in the same cyberspace as me. Silly, I know. That I am, always... (is this also negative thots?!?!)

And I am so hungry. I wish I can eat curry laksa now, with kerang please.

krazie*angel so tempted to take sleeping pill but nah!...

Comment # 3 : You think Negatively

I often heard people telling me that I am too positive and too agressive. Always very sure what I wanted. Up to a point, I intimidate some people.

Now, I heard people telling me that I think negatively, especially about myself. That I don't believe I can do the things I want to do.

What had happened to me, really? Well, based on my own self analysis, the old me has fade away, and now I am a mellow new me. Didn't they used to dislike me because of my old self whom some claimed to be bitchy, harsh, direct, temperamental, demanding and arrogant, err... many many more? I seriously thought I changed for the better - less stressful, lower expectation and I don't talk ONLY about work anymore. I begin to have other priorities in life rather than work and achieving work related targets.

Mom was telling me to write a big "I CAN" on my mirror in my bathroom so that I can look at myself and say "I CAN". My cousin said I should answer positively and not negatively.

A friend even told me that I project such negative and low impression of myself, making others perceived me as weak and uninteresting.

Gosh. I am worried for myself. Am I being so negative that I listen to others and begin to think of myself more negatively? Or Am I just really negative?

If I am negative, won't it be good for others to tell me something great about myself so that I can start believing in myself again? Or am I too negative that I became ignorant that people are saying something good about me? Or is it that I am too positive that I refused to listen to other that I am negative.

I think I am just being honest about how I feel about myself, not being negative, but stating what I truly believe about myself based on the results and happenings of myself. Or I have to start believing that nothing is impossible and everything is possible, so I must be positive about myself and about life. Thus, being negative is also a possibility, isn't it?

This positive and negative mindsets are giving me a headache. *ouch*

krazie*angel is negatively positive that she is positively negative. Gosh, did I get it right *headache*

Hope Springs Eternal

What does it actually mean? I like the phrase. If I inteprete it correctly, I am like that. I have hope like that now despite what I am going through or despite what I am feeling.

Is it good to have hope like that? Or just plain stupidity?

Shed some light on me, please...

From the Internet, these are what I found...

The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition, 2002 defines

Hope springs eternal

as

People always hope for the best, even in the face of adversity. This saying is from “An Essay on Man,” by Alexander Pope.

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

~ Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man, Epistle I, 1733

krazie*angel remains hopeful always

Comment # 2 : Too thin

I used to have round bulging tummy. People would tell me that my tummy are big and I have to do sit ups to flatten my tummy. It was awful. Even my mom and dad will asked me to reduce my food intake and exercise. I must admit that my tummy was quite obviously round and big.

Now, I lost it. No more tummy. I can wear into those body hugging t-shirt without getting worried if my tummy is obvious. But most of my pants are getting a bit too loose for me now. But I still wear them, just need to pull them up once in a while :P

I have heard at least 5 people telling me now that I am too thin and I need to gain weight. Am I that skinny arr?

Some even said I will look haggard if I am too thin. I think so especially if your cheeks sunken in due to less fat on the face.

I am so sure if I eat and eat and eat, the only place that will grow will be my tummy. So how?

Thin or tummy? Err, I chose thin.

krazie*angel's tip on losing your waistline - lose your apetite!

Family Weekend Getaway

For the first time in my life, my entire family, cousins, uncles and aunties are planning to go on a family weekend getaway. It is very exciting yet very unfamiliar. We often meet up for dinner or get together at someone's home or during CNY at grandma's home but never an entire weekend together on holiday.

Well, I was appointed the organiser of this trip. Sounds cool but I can foresee some issues, but what the heck. I seem to be the free-est person at work and at home.

Since we had our big family gathering on the weekend, we have confirmed going to a nice place, so that was easy. Now I have to make sure I can secure the place and a good deal for everyone.

I just hope we can make this trip happen and that we will have a great time together.

krazie*angel dreamt about the entire family going on holiday last nite...zzz...

Comment # 1 : Low Self Aura

Lately I begin to take note that people are giving comments about me and on what I should do. Previously, there isn't much or probably I never bother to heed them. But I guess if I am looking in improving myself, I sometimes, must listen to feedback from others about me.

I guess it is time to listen and evaluate myself. I am not able to help myself, so maybe other people can. I have been to egoistic to listen to others as I trust myself more.

I am going to blog about them. It might be exposing my weaknesses to the public but I guess it is only a weakness if I am too proud to admit or to even do the simplest thing, listen. I must sieve carefully the remarks or comments or feedback I hear from others.

Well here is the first remark I heard...

Someone told me that she could sense that I have low personal aura. She recommended ways to improve my aura. She said it could be due to some problems that I could be facing or I was feeling down. Well, how did she know that? Anyway, I acted cool and gave her my most skeptical facce and said, "Really meh?"

One of the way to improve my aura was to put on make up. My goodness. I frowned at that thought. I don't make up and I don't know how to and I don't think I want to. She said a little bit of light make up for e.g. eye shadow, blusher and lipstick are the basics. I still frown.

I went home and did facial. Ha ha ha. Maybe that can help improve my aura, I hope.

Another way was to wear some simple jewellery, but never over decorate like a christmas tree. Ok, I do that. I wear necklaces, earings and rings most time.

She also suggested that pampering oneself like going to the hair saloon to have a hair wash is good. So is pedicure and manicure. Ok, I indulge in these stuff most time. In fact, they burn a big hole in my wallet each month.

Most importantly, I must think, feel and speak positively. I can do that, in fact, I can even pretend too. This will be another subject about people's comment about me - my positiveness.

And lastly, smile always. Smile radiates good feeling. But my advice to you is that please don't simply simply smile coz you might be mistaken as a mad person. I will try to smile more often and to more people : )

krazie*angel wonders if crystal can improve self aura. These aura stuff giving krazie*angel a big headache.

Friends from the past

I met a very old friend of mine last evening. She was my classmate when I was in Upper Six and then we both were coursemate in Uni for the next 4 years. We were always teamates for projects and did many papers together.

I saw her walking with her mom. I called out to her and she immediately recognised me. That's great. Actually she still look the same. We spoke a bit and check out a bit who and what has been happening since we left Uni. She remain in the same line of industry which we graduated from. I never work in the line of industry.

I must say her mom still look elegant and composed as I have always remembered. But I am sad to learn that her dad has passed away due to lung cancer. I used to go to her house and her dad will talk to me for hours. She would forbid me to speak to her dad because of the long hours. Anyway, may God bless his soul.

I gotta meet up with her again. It was good to see her again.

A few months ago, my best friend in secondary school contacted me on my mobile. It was just fantastic. She lives in the neighbouring country, not far down south, happily married. She too remain the same as how I have remembered her. Now we are speaking regularly on chat. We hope to meet up in person, but I guess the ball is in my court. Probably she will be reading this too. Hi there, C!

If you think someone, an old friend, frequently enough, she/he might just appear right in front you in the most pleasant way. This is just an unproved theory of mine.

krazie*angel hope to meet more old friends from schooldays.

What I am up to...

I am back again.

Since last Thursday till last Sunday, I was away for my diving trip at Lang Temgah. I just can't seem to stop thinking about it. I guess it was the highlight of my life currently amidst the roller coaster emotional trip that I have been riding through lately. Plus I saw whale shark. This is like so rare, a chance of a lifetime. I got a photo of Mr Whale Shark as my wallpaper. He is lovely. The funny thing is that, I only realised how significant the moment was until I was home.

I couldn't write on Monday coz I was really upset, well, more like, devastated by a news I received. I couldn't handle it for the next 48 hours. But I am stable now, although, I am still hurting and sad. I am thankful for my family, they were there for me all the time, making sure I am ok. I might sound ungrateful, but despite all the love I have been receiving from my family, there is an emptiness that can't be filled and a despair in me that can't be removed by them.

So, I was on MC on Tuesday and Wednesday (yesterday). I had bad headache + migraine, or whatever you wanna call it. I just felt like shit. This doctor was smart, he detected that I was feeling more than the headache + migraine. He talked and digged, well, he did made me talk about how I am feeling. He gave me a long lecture and I knew them all too well, but how come, my mind and heart felt like shunning them all away.

Right now, I can't sleep, as usual. My mind is so messy yet fuzzy. Doctor prescribed me some sleeping tablets but I did not take it. I am afraid I am dependent on them. And I am sneezing and having running nose. I hope I am not falling ill.

I missed my F language classes this week and I had test yesterday. I really have no mood to attend them. Suddenly, learning French is pointless. What for? Why do I have to torture myself to learn a language that I can barely speak even after I have been learning it for a year. I have decided to take it easy. Learning for the sake of fun, and not for the sake of the need to acquiring or achieving targets.

I went to see the Maltese puppy this afternoon at the pet shop. She was gone already. Someone bought her, I guess. Her cage is now occupied by a Pekingnese. I had no interest in it. I went home feeling sad for losing the cute Maltese puppy, altho' I had never own it, but saw only once. Well, she is better off with a loving owner than being caged there.

Oh yeah, a fellow diver recommended me this singer, James Blunt. He said I will like him. I checked out his website and some song clips of his, and yes, I do like his songs. His lyrics are good. So, friends, check James Blunt out too. His album is called Back to Bedlam.

krazie*angel loves both the tracks of "Goodbye My Lover" & "Rain & Tears" of James Blunt. Nice lyrics.

Clumsy me.

What a clumsy me today!

Today at lunch, I decided to eat fruits only coz I had little apetite. When I was about to pay, I dropped some of my guavas on the floor as I was searching for coins in my wallet. When I tried to save the remaining guavas in the plastic, I dropped all my coins in my wallet.

Wah lau weh, so embarassing. The place was crowded and I guessed no one appreciate one clumsy girl blocking the way. Everyone just stared at me. Inside, I wanted to say, "Wei, help lah, see what!?" but me, with the heart of a chicken, just smiled sheepishly and picked up all my coins on the floor.

That's not it. When I went to my office, while I was enjoying my papaya, suddenly one piece fell and landed on my shirt. Aiyoh! Had to clean it before it stain my shirt.

I think today my mind is elsewhere. Only my empty head is attached to my neck. Actually, everyday also like that.

krazie*angel hope clumsy things don't come in three. Two is enough

Million Dollar Baby

Last nite was Monday nite and like I have mentioned in my earlier post, I did finished watching the movie "Million Dollar Baby"

It is inspiring, yet very depressing. It was a slow paced movie, yet it is rather captivating. It didn't make me sleepy or bored. It is rather dark and colourless, unlike Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - a hyper colour movie.

It shows how a woman who had an undying determination, positive mind and high spirit no matter how hard she has to toil or how difficult the hurdles are that she has to face. Just so unbearable to see that despite all the effort and the greatness she has poured into making her life better as well as to those around her, she was reduced to nothingness where she was paralysed. Her state of health slowly take away her feet which was swollen with gangrene.

She wanted to end her life, not because she gave up hope, but she knew she had done what she had never dreamed of. She had made it and had been there. She want to remember it before she couldn't anymore.

She was a fighter. But at the end, all of hers are taken away from her. It was wrong to end one's life, but in this movie, it justified why she should end her life. You will want to do that for her, to save her from the loss of dignity against her own will and in grace for her.

The movie is deeper than what is shown. The mystery of human spirit - the power, the weakness and the reason that drives human to do the impossible in adversity.

You have to watch the movie to experience human spirit - the hope, the will, the determination. I believe each one of us will inteprete the movie differently. Some of us might find it depressing, some will find it inspiring. Your call. Your say.

Hillary Swank is a fantastic actress and she deserves the credit.

krazie*angel's next movie is State Garden. Anyone has the DVD?

I want! I want!

I fell in love with a Maltese puppy I saw in a pet shop. I kept thinking of her.

She is about 2 months old, very young and small. She looks rather sad and lonely. When we put our hand on the glass panel, she gladly paw-paw us excitedly. She is so cute, so adorable, like a flush toy. When I placed my face (my cheek) on the glass panel, she rubbed her nose against the glass panel, then she paw-paw me up and down. She is so playful and loving too.

But she is so expensive. The shop is selling her around RM2,700. I can't afford her. Neither I have the space and time for her. We tried to snap some photos with the camera phone but it was blurry.

Anyway, I downloaded some photos of Maltese breed from the Internet. They are equally cute. Don't you love them? How could one resist such a cutie?




krazie*angel goes all melt for the puppy at the window. *woof* *woof*

Petaling Street under raid

Once in a while, it is nice to jalan-jalan at Petaling Street.

Most time, I dislike going there because it is always packed with humans, sweaty humans, to be precise. The lane in between stalls are really narrow and you can't help but rubbing against each other. And when you are out of the crazy narrow lanes, you are also sweating and had bought a few things that you don't really need, or some dvds that they claimed to be clear which are never clear.

Last evening, me and bman passed by the area and decided to take a walk there. It was quite a different sight from the usual busy Petaling Street. A lot of stalls were not there. There were not much people too. Apparently, there was a raid for any fake or imitation goods, be it handbags, t-shirts, watches, dvds, glasses, etc for 10 consecutive days. Last nite was the 3rd day.

So, there wasn't much to see. Bman bought me a fake Gucci handbag. It was nice and big. I like big handbags where I can throw everything in it. I bargained the price down to 50%. The lady claimed that it was made of genuine leather but it wasn't. Got cheated. It was not enough lighting to check if the leather is genuine. Should have tested it with a lighter. But anyway, it is a gift from bman and I am happy. I am using it already. Nice.

My colleague told me that you can also get TOD's imitation handbag there. She found one which she likes but did not buy it then. Well, don't go to Petaling Street these few days. Go again in October when the raid is over and business is back as usual.

krazie*angel should have bargained down to 75% for the handbag. Sigh! Too late.

E is dissapearing.

Oh no. The character "E" on the keyboard of my iBook is dissapearing. It looks like a short L now. I think the character "E" is used most often by me.

2 of my previous notebooks suffer the same fate, or even worse. Most characters are cleared away and people tend to find it hard to type coz they can't see where the characters are. Not a problem for me coz I can type without looking at the keyboard.

I don't have sweaty palms. Perhaps it is the hand lotion that I am using, but previously, I did not use any hand lotions. I suspect my fingers are producing acidic substance that can remove those alphabets on the keyboard. I try to wash my hands as often as I can.

BTW, how do you keep the white iBook white? There is a yellowish blotch on both sides where both my palms rest when I am typing. Eee...those blotches make my iBook so uncool. Right now, I have 2 pieces of white paper below my palms to avoid further staining.

krazie*angel checked her hand...ee...fingernails need to be cut immediately

Double dose of "Millions"

Slept late again last nite. I am an insomniac nutcase. Bman cancelled his appointment to meet me earlier and I am a bit upset. But as consolation, he promised to meet me tomorrow late afternoon. I am looking forward to that.

Since I am not working on Sunday, I decided to watch a dvd which I bought at Sg Wang yesterday. It was a British movie called "Millions". Quite nice, those heartwarming with nice cute kids type of movies. Good for my state of emotion coz it can inject some positiveness into me.

After the movie, I am still so awake. So I decide to watch another movie...also with million in its title - "Million Dollar Baby". Also another inspiring movie, but somehow, I lost interest and stopped watching it halfway. Perhaps there is no good looking actor or actress in the movie. Will resume it again on Monday nite.

As of now, I am unsure if I should go to church or just skipped it. I could invite Chinoz to come along with me to the book fair in Alliance Francaise. Err, I choose to go to the book fair. I wanna see if I can get any second hand French movies or cheap easy reading French books.

Alrighty then, gotta go and get ready.

krazie*angel says sorry to God for skipping church. Please don't punish me, k?

Saman - 50% Diskaun

Quick quick, go pay up your traffic summons. Got 50% discount for most type of offences except for running red lights. No discount at all for that offence. The discount is valid till September 22, I think.

You can check if you got summons via SMS. Very easy. Just type send to <32728>. The 32728 is the number equivalent to the word "dapat".

If you have to wait a long time to get the results, you can already guess that you actually have a lot of summons. If you want details of your summons, you can request for them. They will send you the instruction via SMS.

I got one saman for wrong parking, only RM30. Phew!

I hope I won't have anymore summons when I check at the counter.

Good luck.

krazie*angel doubt there is discount for her RM30 saman.

Too little money.

I wanted to withdraw money from an ATM. There was no queue, just a boy and his mother on the ATM. They were discussing how much they should withdraw, for quite a while. They looked worried. I waited patiently.

I managed to peek at the screen and saw that the bank account only has RM103.00. It is only the 2nd week of the month and they had so little left. They finally withdrew RM70 or RM80, I can't be sure. There are another 21 more days to go for this month, I wonder if they have enough money to survive? I wonder if they are happy despite they are poor. I hope they are happy.

It is so sad. I pity them. I wished that I could give them some money but how do you asked a stranger if they needed money? They might find you an angel or they might find you are humiliating them.

In that moment, despite my emotional state, I am thankful that I had a job that pays and if worse come to worst, I am sure I can rely on my family for finances. Won't die just yet.

I have to start counting my blessings. And I have to stop spending unnecessarily and start saving.

krazie*angel has to stop buying shoes - the 1st initiative

Can't sleep.

I can't sleep. It's 2.41am now. I surfed and there are so many things in the Internet but I am not sure what I wanna see. Stole some nice artworks from a deviantart site.

Both my kidneys are feeling sore now. Yikes.


I have been popping Poifull Jelly Beans to keep me un-bored. So so yummy. Mmm... sweet too and they explodes in your mouth with a nice light fruity taste. Love 'em. I gotta stop otherwise I might be diabetic tonite. But it is so addictive. I have to stop buying them.

I have also been drinking water and wee-wee all evening. I think I flushed the toilet way too many times by now. When there is nothing to do at home, I am all alone and awake while others are in slumberland, I realise that I tend to wee-wee a lot of times.

I gotta sleep. Got class tomorrow morning at 9am. As usual, I have yet to do my homework. I am so lazy. Not doing homework was what I was good at during my schooldays. Bad habits never dies, do they?

I can confirm now that I had a boring, lonely and bland Friday.

krazie*angel need to wee wee again :P

A lonely Friday nite

It's a Friday nite. And I am all alone at home, to be precise, in my room - a place of safe solace yet sometime, seems like my own prison.

Mom had gone back to stay with my bro and hopefully, will be back again to stay with me next week. It is weird that I kinda miss her presence although I barely had much time to spend with her when she was staying me for the past one week.

I've got no plans, no dates, no dinners, no partyings, no nothing. I am so lonely and bored. What do people do on a Friday nite? I bet most people are out there or with somebody. Frankly, it is unhealthy for me to be alone at this moment with how I am feeling. I have no mood for anything at the moment.

I have so commitedly attended my stupid F language classes in the evenings altho I have very little interest in learning it now because it kept my evening occupied and it made me tired, so that my mind won't wanders to crazy land.

I wished I can drink, alcohol, that is. It always make me high and sleepy, just the state of mind I need to be in at the moment. But, drinking always make me itch. I am so allergic to alcohol. I don't drink for a long long time coz the itch are really bad. I can't stand the itch.

I drank last nite, 2 cans of Carlsberg and they got me a bit happy and chirpy. So, I decided to live life a bit dangerously. I drove around KL and without my license. Considered me lucky or unlucky that no souls would come near me, I was safe. I itched a little but this morning, I had a pain on my back and I found that my kidney was infected when I went to the doctor. I had some problem for the past one week but never bother to do anything, so I guess drinking trigger it. And I barely drink any water at work yesterday. It all add up. So, no drinking, even little sips, for now.

Right now, in my own little world, the only thing that is keeping me company and sane is blogging and reading other people's blog.

I guess I am going to fall asleep next to my warm iBook again. I wish it is bman instead.

I hate to think if my tomorrow, next day, next next day and so on will be as lonely as yesterday, today and many nights before. I hate being alone and I never really gotten used to it either, just like traffic jam.

krazie*angel is down emotionally... give hugz please

Work or Home?

I am unwell today and got an MC for the day.

I have no mood to work. My work is boring.

But I am so bored at home.

After much pondering, I think I rather stay home.

If I do stay home, my mind will ramble away in warp speed downhill. Not a pleasant mood at all.

Still, I rather stay home and be lazy.

It is a luxury to stay away from work. I am going to grab it. I used to be stupid not to take any MC when I was sick. I even turned up at work when I had MC or was on annual leave. Work was always more important.

krazie*angel is getting lazier?!?!

Bloginality

My Bloginality is ISTP!!!

I am such a sucker for astrology, personality tests and quizzes. When they say nice things, I wish they are true, I wanna believe that they are true. But most of the time, not true lah.

I was reading someone's blog, can't remember whose, and saw her bloginality. Bloginality? They seem to think of kind of things.

I was curious enough to click to check it out. I answered around 3 questions and voila, they told me my personality. Sure or not? Only 3 questions and my personality exposed.

Anyway, you can try it out yourself. Just for the sake of fun.

Car on fire, road jam

For the past 3 days, I have been attacked by traffic jam. Damn sien, man.

This morning, there was a traffic jam right after I left my house. In that small town of mine, what traffic jam? Today is "Drive Your Car Day" for OA town issit?

The traffic was heavy all the way to work and became stand still again where our grand National Library stood, which I have never borrowed a single book in my life. Darn it! Traffic Jam again!? Grrr!

Bumper to bumper, I began to be agitated. I will be late again. But what to do lah.

Under the same cursed lrt station, there was a red wira and a fire engine. Some firemen were putting out the fire on the car. No wonder lah traffic jam!

Then the road was smooth all the way. I have been staying and driving in this city for the past 14 years and I have yet to get use to the traffic jam. How lah!?

I gave in to mooncakes

Argh...my will was weak last nite. I was at KL Plaza, window shopping and there, nice booths in the center court selling mooncakes. They are everywhere.

I walked around admiring all the delicious mooncakes. So many varieties beyond your imagination. Finally, I succumbed to the sweet talking of the promoters of mooncakes and I bought 4 pieces of mooncakes that cost me around RM36 which consists of 1 piece of Low Sugar Gingko Lotus Paste with 1 Yolk, 1 piece of Red Bean, 1 piece of Tiramisu and 1 piece of Mocha.

And yes, they came with one nice wooden box which the promoter claimed was free. Free, my foot, I am so sure it has been costed into each and every pieces of mooncakes. I

I have yet to eat them. Maybe I will share the Gingko and Red Bean with mom when she return to stay with me again next week and the Tiramisu and Mocha with bman coz he likes coffee.

krazie*angel can't wait to dig her fingers into her mooncakes

Darn expensive mooncakes

I like to eat mooncake but they are so expensive. Saw them at Mid Valley Megamall this afternoon. One can cost at least RM9/- or more!!!

With that price, I could have paid for 3 lunch meals from Aci @ the roadside or the "Chao-chao" stall.


FYI...

- "Aci @ the roadside" is an illegal stall by the roadside that sells home cooked Indian food. It is operated by a couple. We called the stall Aci, a term which we use to call the wife.

- "Chao-chao" stall is a chap-fan (which means mixed rice in Cantonese) stall situated in a building next to my office building. We called it "Chao-chao" which means smelly in Hokkien coz the cooking from the stall next to it creates strong stench that can even affect your body and clothes, making you smell like cooked cooking oil. Gosh! I hope you get what I am trying to say.


Allyfeel, my friend and colleague said people would laugh at me if they knew that I am willing to pay for scuba diving trips and not willing to buy a mooncake.

The truth is I really find mooncake is way too expensive and it is a luxury.

How come there are so many mooncakes being sold everywhere and the prices are still so expensive? Can they sell them all in the next 11 days or so?

Based on my observation, there are higher supply of mooncake than the demand from the consumer. If I remembered correctly from my Economics subject which I took during Form 6, if supply is higher than demand, then the price will come down.

But in this case, it is not happening like what I had learnt. Also, we are definitely paying for those fancy packaging!

I saw a small cute mooncake that is apple-shaped and flavoured as well. It cost RM9.90 each. Very nice and pretty. A novelty. I thought of buying it for bman as a Mid Autumn Festival gift but apple-flavoured & shaped mooncake isn't very mooncake-y!

So now, I am waiting to buy off season mooncake which usually cost half the price. But my colleague, Ms Goh has to potong stim for me by saying "Now they dowan to sell mooncake after the festival to protect their branding lah. Everyone knows that the price will go down, so they rather not sell."

What!? Aiyoh!

Anyway, I will hunt down the cheap mooncake at Tesco that Allyfeel recommended. Apparently only RM9.95 for 4 normal-sized mooncakes.

Meanwhile, I am hoping for free mooncakes from friends and relatives. I remembered we used to have so much lying around where everyone is so jelak to eat anymore.

krazie*angel is diverting her mooncake cravings by reminding herself the amount of sugar in each of those brown round thing

Very jam this morning

The traffic was very bad this morning!!! I was stuck in the jam when driving to work for 1 hr 35 mins. I could have reached Melaka. But I can't see any reasons for the bad traffic. There was no accident, rain, roadworks or break downs.

All my colleagues who drove came in late to work as well. Bad traffic all over KL? How can that be possible?

I almost puked sitting in the car, moving a few inch and halt for while all the way. Bumper to bumper. Arghh!

I hate traffic jam, really really hate, especially when I have to drive. Actually, I hate driving. So coupled with traffic jam, I absolutely despise driving during traffic jam.

This is one problem that our prime minister also can't solve, so I guess we have to just accept it.

krazie*angel dreaming of having her own driver

Kena punished arr?

While I was driving to work this morning, I was on the speakerphone talking away with my cousin regarding his son who is currently sitting for his UPSR exam. I was driving on the left lane. I saw the right lane was empty so I quickly cut into it. Then the Traffic Police who was manning the traffic stopped me, right in the middle of the road.

I thought to myself "Die!" and I immediately switched off my phone. Is it because I was talking on the phone? But I was using speakerphone. I mentally checked how much money I had on my wallet, just in case, if I need to bribe him. I don't have enough. "Shite, I have to beg and be so sweet to him when he talk to me" I planned in my head.

He signalled to me that I have cut from the left lane to the right lane. I wondered, "It is not double line mah. It is a broken line, so can cut, right?"

He just stood there right in front of my car. So I waited for the next course of action. He just stood there while directing the cars on the left lane to move ahead. I waited in my car, wondering what the heck he was trying to do. I looked at my rear mirror and saw a long queue of cars behind me. The guy in the car behind mine looked baffled too.

"Oh stupid policeman causing traffic jam!" I cursed inside me.

I analysed him. Mr Traffic Police is very young, taller than the usual Malay chaps, slim and lanky. I wondered again, "Hmm...maybe he is very young and inexperienced, that's why he did not want to speak to me"

I prayed for no trouble and that Mr Traffic Police will let me go quickly.

After 10 mins or less, Mr Traffic Police moved away and signalled me to drive ahead.

Sigh...why did he stopped me lah at the first place? Stupid or what?

Is he punishing me for cutting lanes? Anyway, better than he saman me or I bribe him. Losing 10 mins is definitely better than losing money.

If you wondered where did this happen...it happened in Jalan Pekeliling where the LRT station is.

krazie*angel gotta check when her driving license is expiring

Bday, Class, Dinner, etc etc

Today is just like any other day, but I have quite a fair bit of stuff to do. Let me see note down my today.

Today is Miki-C's birthday, so we sent her a dedication in our other blog. Happy Birthday to you, Miki-C. Hope you had a great day and a wonderful year ahead.

This morning, mom made me bread with crispy chicken floss and shreded cucumber. 4 big pieces. I normally skip breakfast but how to say no to mom whom has taken the trouble to make breakfast? But I only took 3 pieces. It was a lot!

This morning, my colleague brought me a bowl of rice with mixed stuff - small pieces of lup cheong, carrot, dried shrimp and french beans. I ate it coz she said cannot keep till afternoon. So I ate it there and then.

I also decided to eat mom's bread after the rice so that I will be too full to eat lunch. For lunch I ate mango only. RM2 for one packet of unripe mango!

This evening, I have my F language class. I am getting a bit bored with these classes. I have been having at least 3 evening classes per week for the past 1 year. And I barely half way there. Just 1/4 of the journey to mastering the stupid F language at the moment.

Tonite, I am required to attend a dinner organised by MOH at Sheraton Subang. I am most relunctant to go but my boss' PA kept insisting and she sorta pressuring me by saying that my boss instructed me to go. "You must go. Boss said you must go." she would say. So I will have to rush there after my class tonite. How troublesome. Furthermore, I am not dressed for the occassion. How lah!?

I got a lot of homeworks pending for my F language class. But I am so lazy to move my butt. So leceh and susah! Arghh! I am going to class and tell the teacher that I am too lazy to do it. The most I will promise my teacher that I will submit it next week. Sigh! Remind me of schooldays. How boring!

Tonite, I hope to see bman. Let's see how, but I think most probably not. This evening is way too occupied. Otherwise, I can call him and we can chat over the phone when I get home tonite. So, at this moment, the best I can do is to hope to see him tomorrow. Absence make the heart grow fonder, that's for sure. I miss him a lot.

krazie*angel desperately needs a good excuse for not attending dinner

More rain & a bloody morning

It rain so heavily when I left my home this morning. Thought the sky would have dried up from last evening's shower but I guess mother nature is greater than I thought. As always, I was late to work this morning and today, I was not the only one. The door was still locked. Thank goodness I have the office keys. No one has came in yet. Everyone must have been late due to the rain. The phone in the office was ringing non stop and I was like a mad girl trying to answer all the calls.

Three of my colleagues came to work soaking wet. Thanking goodness again, we have a saloon-type hair dryer that was extremely helpful in drying up everyone. So, there were whirring and buzzing all morning in the office. Plus the cleaner was also vacumming the carpet at the same time.

Oh yes, the highlight of today - Blood Donation Drive in our office building. So, I went to donate. Everyone working in the same floor as me donated too. Ok, back to the story. Bear with me. If boring, just click on the (X) button on the top right corner of ur browser.

I went through the normal routine...

Filled up the donor form -> did the blood test -> doctor (trainee, i think) checked blood pressure -> a clerk marked the donor record book and assign the serial number and blood type -> nurse placed blood bag next to u -> nurse tightened the wrap around the top arm -> I have to grip a plastic tube (the one you use as plumbing tube) -> nurse searched for my veins, tap tap, slap, slap -> nurse poked the needle into the vein and said "Ubat bius" -> I wondered. How come last time don't have ubat bius? -> nurse poked the bigger needle -> blood flow out like water pipe -> my hand continued to grip and let go and grip and let go the plastic tube -> nurse weighed the blood bag -> only 250ml -> nurse weighed again -> 300ml -> nurse cut the tube of blood that goes to the blood bag. They collected 350ml of blood from me -> nurse take 2 tube full of blood for HIV & Hepatitis testing -> nurse removed the big needle of my arm -> nurse asked me to press the punctured vein with a small ball of cotton -> I rested a while -> nurse put a plaster on my arm -> yay, I can go off -> I took a fruit cake and packet of sugar cane water -> I walked back to the lift

And then...

I felt something wet on my arm, a bit warm yet a bit cold. I looked and found a huge patch of blood on my sleeve and blood was flowing down my arms. Wah...looks like I was stabbed!

Anyway, some girls (the organisers, I think) panicked. They made me lay down and I was only allowed to go back when I assured them I will be fine. Anyway, you won't die unless you lose 2 liter of blood. So, I guess I will be alive and kicking.

One girl made a joke that I should not show this to anyone coz many people may not want to donate after seeing what had happened to me.

My main concern is that if my blood dried up on my sleeve, it would stained the shirt. So, I had to get it washed quickly. When I reached my office, I was so lucky as my colleague, P had an extra t-shirt with her. So, I changed to her t-shirt and washed my shirt. And thank goodness again for that powerful hair dryer, I was able to dry my shirt.

krazie*angel wished that she has a digital camera to snapped up some evidence of the oozing blood

quote*unquote

Archive of previous quote*unquote published on my krazie blog.


For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man's obedience many will be made righteous.
Romans 5:19 (NKJV)


Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:21 (NKJV)

Smooth day -> Rain & Traffic Jam & Broken Stuff

Today was a smooth and easy day. Not much work. But come evening, things get a bit rough.

It was raining since around late 4pm, cleansing the city from last week's haze. And by now, I think the sky has ran out of its water supply, so now I won't call it raning, but only little droplets falling to our wet KL.

I was caught in the jam on my way home after my *f* language class. Usually it only take, the most 20 minutes to get home, today I took 1 hour to reach home. Petrol is so expensive these days and it was like burning my money for 1 hour. This is an understatement but I am going to say it anyway - "When it rain in KL, there will be massive traffic jam". And I will still ask the silliest question -"Aiyah, why like that?"

With nothing to do, stucked behind the wheel in a traffic jam, I talked to myself. Naturally, I was also missing bman. It is pathetic, I know. I wondered if the drivers of cars on my left and right saw me mumbling away all alone and perhaps they think I am a nutcase. Well, I can always say I am talking to friends on my mobile through the speakerphone. Such brilliant excuse.

Oh yes, three things of mine were spoilt today. They say bad things happen in 3, right? So, I guess I am safe for now.

1. A really tiny piece of a fake diamond fell off my ring. Now my ring is a bit cacat.
2. My hair band putus-ed. I think my hair too thick and I overstrecthed it.
3. My crystal bracelet putus-ed too. Luckily, I managed to fix it back.

Gotta take an early nite no matter how insomniac I am coz tomorrow is a long day. Will leave to tomorrow to let you what will be happening. Nite nite & sweet dreams.

krazie*angel ~ *yawn* *yawn* *rub eyes*

A place to stash my trash

Everyone write something on their first blog. Almost everyone, cannot generalise coz I don't have the stats. I have been thinking on what to write. I think I'll write the reason I blog for my first post.

My brain is always spinning away, churning all kinds of thoughts. Mostly rubbish and senseless. I could actually see them being written down but you knowlah, I very the malas. I know I have to remove all these trash before they make me gila. In a way, I am a bit insane especially I am alone or when I am dreaming. I made up a lot of funny funny stories. Even my dream is quite weird.

When I am so inspired, I always tell myself I will create a blog to write down all the stuff that is being spun outta my head but never happened. Sometimes, when I am inspired, I tengah mandi or driving or hanging out with friends. Takkanlah on the spot rush to a cybercafe to create a blog, so I tell myself...when I go home tonite, I will do it! So bersemangat!

When I am at home, in front of my notebook, all ready and already logged into this blogger site, I will be hit with a major problem which is to come up with the name for myself and for my blog. So tough to even find a nick/name that fit my blog personality. This is my 4th blog that I have created which I finally did not delete.

So voila. Me as Krazie Angel with her personal blog, "Krazie Angel rambles". Yes, I surely rambles. My heart direct!

Actually, to come to think of it, not only my brain is the only thing that think think too much. Sometimes, personally, I am also a bit off. I'm actually normal, but in my normalness, I do things that no one will think I will. Or when people think I will do something, but actually I won't.

Perhaps, I can be misunderstood sometimes. Oh well. I guess I am one of those kind of people whom other people warn their friends or family about. I am sure you often hear friends or parents or colleagues say this - "There are many kind of people out there. So be careful ok" or "*Sigh* Macam-macam orang kat dunia ni. Tak tau lah apa nak jadi"

In my other blog which I shared with a bunch of people, I write sensible stuff for e.g. thought provoking or emotionally touching storieslah...cannot write rubbish or too trivial stuff lah, coz might affect the reputation of my fellow bloggers mah. Frankly, my postings there are not so popular. So sad. Two of the bloggers are really good. Even myself enjoy their postings.

I also got another blog which I dedicated to someone I really love but too bad, it is one way track. Yeah, call it unrequited, unrecipocrated love. Darn, why me?! Anyway, this blog is personnal, not open to public. Even if you read it, you will either be so depressed or die of yuckiness.

Ok lah, so much for my debut post. I think you will probably get to know more about me as I post in the future.